Sunday, January 23, 2011
or i'd have chosen to fall in love with either one of you two, the ones i've held dear in my heart. but i'm not ready. i really am not. i dont know if i'd ever be again. but i know, i've lost one of you, and i'm about to lose the other as well, the ones who love me the most.i'm can only say that i'm sorry.
spin me silly, 3:34 AM.
i highly doubt my ability to give my all for a relationship again.
i'm tired of having to go through the whole getting to know people and letting them know about me again. it's such a routine, its basically becoming a chore to me. maybe this is the time people settle for someone who just loves them for who they are, one whom they're pretty sure wouldn't betray or hurt them such that they have to go through this whole tiring routine again, and maybe that would be they time they learn to start accepting people that they would not have looked at before, and not keep looking and waiting for "the one". but is that really love? i wonder.
what about me? will i suddenly feel refreshed and ready to look forward to the next relationship? i want a man who'd be able to love me irregardless of how i may become and just stay by my side and i'll stand by him too. i think i'll be a happy girl if i can find a man like that. but i'm disheartened. these people dont exist, and even if they do, i'm not as into them, i'd feel guilty to accept a man just because he loves me, but i dont love him half as much. that's wrong isn't it, to accept a man just for companionship and for love?
i think i'm starting to realize why pretty girls always go for the less than charming guys. it's all thanks to the cute guys they once dated, the one who broke their hearts through and through, till they, like me, have given up on loving someone, but learning to appreciate what it's like to be loved instead, and when they do, they'd learn to love the person back. and with give and take, they'd be a happy couple, don't you think? (:
why cant life be like the fairytales and happy endings in my korean drama? i think my mum knows that i've been really emo, telling her i'll probably never get married, or even if i do, probably only in my thirties, so by the time i have a kid, i'd be mid thirties. hahaha, better let her know in advance first mans. :| so she has to wait longer to carry a grandchild (or maybe my sister will be the first one to give her one) or maybe even my brother. :D then i'll have more nieces and nephews to keep me happy. (:
i'm tired of having to go through the whole getting to know people and letting them know about me again. it's such a routine, its basically becoming a chore to me. maybe this is the time people settle for someone who just loves them for who they are, one whom they're pretty sure wouldn't betray or hurt them such that they have to go through this whole tiring routine again, and maybe that would be they time they learn to start accepting people that they would not have looked at before, and not keep looking and waiting for "the one". but is that really love? i wonder.
what about me? will i suddenly feel refreshed and ready to look forward to the next relationship? i want a man who'd be able to love me irregardless of how i may become and just stay by my side and i'll stand by him too. i think i'll be a happy girl if i can find a man like that. but i'm disheartened. these people dont exist, and even if they do, i'm not as into them, i'd feel guilty to accept a man just because he loves me, but i dont love him half as much. that's wrong isn't it, to accept a man just for companionship and for love?
i think i'm starting to realize why pretty girls always go for the less than charming guys. it's all thanks to the cute guys they once dated, the one who broke their hearts through and through, till they, like me, have given up on loving someone, but learning to appreciate what it's like to be loved instead, and when they do, they'd learn to love the person back. and with give and take, they'd be a happy couple, don't you think? (:
why cant life be like the fairytales and happy endings in my korean drama? i think my mum knows that i've been really emo, telling her i'll probably never get married, or even if i do, probably only in my thirties, so by the time i have a kid, i'd be mid thirties. hahaha, better let her know in advance first mans. :| so she has to wait longer to carry a grandchild (or maybe my sister will be the first one to give her one) or maybe even my brother. :D then i'll have more nieces and nephews to keep me happy. (:
spin me silly, 3:16 AM.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
and suddenly, i wished i knew nothing. i wish i hadn't seen it, i wish i hadn't heard it. why are there tears trickling down my face? i should have been over it. i really should have. it's been too long. what's going on? i can't control these tears...
the feeling of being cheated on...it sucks, it really does. bloody liar. he really is one. i don't know how he managed to make me believe that we ended because it was all my fault. i hope his new beau doesn't do that to him too. if she does, there's nothing else i can say other than it's karma. and then he'll feel how i've felt the past 9 months.
why did i have to know. why.
"some things are better left unsaid" i think i finally realize what this line meant. my friends have been protecting me by hiding the truth from me. all the more i should love them for letting me keep my happy world.
come on mel, its about time you got over a cheating asshole.
no wonder he doesnt even dare to look you straight in the eye and say hi. it's the tremendous guilt he cant live up to. its you he cant face. you've done nothing wrong.
the feeling of being cheated on...it sucks, it really does. bloody liar. he really is one. i don't know how he managed to make me believe that we ended because it was all my fault. i hope his new beau doesn't do that to him too. if she does, there's nothing else i can say other than it's karma. and then he'll feel how i've felt the past 9 months.
why did i have to know. why.
"some things are better left unsaid" i think i finally realize what this line meant. my friends have been protecting me by hiding the truth from me. all the more i should love them for letting me keep my happy world.
come on mel, its about time you got over a cheating asshole.
no wonder he doesnt even dare to look you straight in the eye and say hi. it's the tremendous guilt he cant live up to. its you he cant face. you've done nothing wrong.
spin me silly, 3:13 AM.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
i hope my blog stays hidden. because then i wouldn't have to explain my blog thoughts to anyone who thinks i'm emo-ing when all i do is pen down the thoughts going through my head.
i really want to open my heart and accept S and learn to love him, but i can't, not now. i know that with my conflicting thoughts in my head, it's impossible to love him like i loved my ex. i know that very clearly. and unless i learn to accept him for who he is, i'd never agree to get into a relationship. my omikuji that i got from a shrine in hokkaido, reminded me with aspects to love, to "consider the other party's feelings and not just my own" and so i am. i will not accept him just because he's nice to me and i need someone. i want to be sure i can be loyal and have the ability to love him before i decide on anything. if he'll wait, it'd be good. if he can't, then i can only say sorry to both of us...or what might have been if he persisted and we continue to be close friends for a long period. then again, i dont have the confidence to say something might happen. i'm still tired of the emotional turmoils i have had to go through the last 3 years.
dear God, teach me how to love a person who appreciates me, and not those who don't appreciate me for who i am. teach me not to fear the unknown. teach me to be stronger. teach me how to put the past behind me. teach me about life.
thank you.
gomawo~
am glad i could do my marketing test today. but am sad to not understand corporate finance. i need to jiayous! hwaiting melly! hwaiting!
i really want to open my heart and accept S and learn to love him, but i can't, not now. i know that with my conflicting thoughts in my head, it's impossible to love him like i loved my ex. i know that very clearly. and unless i learn to accept him for who he is, i'd never agree to get into a relationship. my omikuji that i got from a shrine in hokkaido, reminded me with aspects to love, to "consider the other party's feelings and not just my own" and so i am. i will not accept him just because he's nice to me and i need someone. i want to be sure i can be loyal and have the ability to love him before i decide on anything. if he'll wait, it'd be good. if he can't, then i can only say sorry to both of us...or what might have been if he persisted and we continue to be close friends for a long period. then again, i dont have the confidence to say something might happen. i'm still tired of the emotional turmoils i have had to go through the last 3 years.
dear God, teach me how to love a person who appreciates me, and not those who don't appreciate me for who i am. teach me not to fear the unknown. teach me to be stronger. teach me how to put the past behind me. teach me about life.
thank you.
gomawo~
am glad i could do my marketing test today. but am sad to not understand corporate finance. i need to jiayous! hwaiting melly! hwaiting!
spin me silly, 3:59 AM.
