Sunday, July 31, 2011
procrastinate! all i did was to hide the messy stuffs away :\ so much for packing. it still looks damn messy.
omg my head is still spinning. and i feel so restless. i dont know why. :(( i dont like feeling this way luh! help. i think i'm in trouble. its like any amount of time not spent with him is turning into restless time for me. this isnt' good!
looks like he'll concuss until pretty late le. probably wont be joining us for railway.
he went to grandma's without even texting me good morning today :( aww mans. pretty upset. dont guys know girls love their guy's morning texts? it shows them that we are always remembered first thing in the morning! :( boos. oh well. i still love the pig anyways. haha. he's so grouchy whenever he's tired. tsk.
time to watch abit of shows. even with my spinning head. -.- it has been spinning for 3 days!
omg my head is still spinning. and i feel so restless. i dont know why. :(( i dont like feeling this way luh! help. i think i'm in trouble. its like any amount of time not spent with him is turning into restless time for me. this isnt' good!
looks like he'll concuss until pretty late le. probably wont be joining us for railway.
he went to grandma's without even texting me good morning today :( aww mans. pretty upset. dont guys know girls love their guy's morning texts? it shows them that we are always remembered first thing in the morning! :( boos. oh well. i still love the pig anyways. haha. he's so grouchy whenever he's tired. tsk.
time to watch abit of shows. even with my spinning head. -.- it has been spinning for 3 days!
spin me silly, 3:05 PM.
although we didnt have dinner that's just us 2...
it was a fun night afterall. (:
actually group dates are more fun. hahaha!
and i've had 3 hours to spend with him before xf came over to his place and joined us anyways.
"everyday i'm shuffling~"
his shuffling epic fail. HAHAHA. cannot get the image outta my head!
and captain america was pretty cool. Hot stuff man!!! :D can you inject some serum into my dear too? hahaha!
Lydia and I finally got to see who Wendy is today. lol. we were so curious we had to go to kok's house. :X
going to bed. hopefully he has the energy to join us for railway photoshoot tmr! not keeping my hopes up though. cause dear looks really tired. as always. his energy level depletes faster than my iphone battery. lol.
off to bed! gonna start of the day packing my room tmr. it's getting wayyyy outta hand. :\ pig sty ttm.
it was a fun night afterall. (:
actually group dates are more fun. hahaha!
and i've had 3 hours to spend with him before xf came over to his place and joined us anyways.
"everyday i'm shuffling~"
his shuffling epic fail. HAHAHA. cannot get the image outta my head!
and captain america was pretty cool. Hot stuff man!!! :D can you inject some serum into my dear too? hahaha!
Lydia and I finally got to see who Wendy is today. lol. we were so curious we had to go to kok's house. :X
going to bed. hopefully he has the energy to join us for railway photoshoot tmr! not keeping my hopes up though. cause dear looks really tired. as always. his energy level depletes faster than my iphone battery. lol.
off to bed! gonna start of the day packing my room tmr. it's getting wayyyy outta hand. :\ pig sty ttm.
spin me silly, 3:48 AM.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
he asked me out for dinner! omg! the first time in our relationship he auto ask me out alone can!
jumping for joy! :D
but in front of him..*suddenly put on a straight face and act like it doesn't matter*
heehee! <3
jumping for joy! :D
but in front of him..*suddenly put on a straight face and act like it doesn't matter*
heehee! <3
spin me silly, 1:07 AM.
Friday, July 29, 2011
fell asleep texting him yesterday...
and you know what happens when you're dozing off and texting at the same time. you tend to subconsciously type what you are really feeling, and that was what i typed... i replied very sadly, telling him it's okay if i'm a panda, then at least when i'm being sent to the zoo, the zoo keeper there will willingly cook mee for me, care for me and tell me he loves me. the benefits of being a panda..
and that i'll be a really happy dog (whytf did i say dog?! omg sia.) if he'd just tell me "sure i'll cook for you when you come over to my place the next time"
still left to guess where i stand in his heart. but now that pms period is over. it's way easier to handle my emotions. i'm gonna be me!
looking back at the message he messaged me before leaving for msia opens. that was the last time i saw him type love you enthusiastically i guess. i want our r/s to go back to the way it was. guess it needs time and luck and efforts on his part. if not i also dont wanna hold on already...
work is so tiring! but today seem to have passed quickly probably because i've slept way more than usual! and he was my alarm clock to wake me up to shower before i go back to sleep. nag nag nag me to quick go bathe and then can sleep properly. but i like. hahaa.
oh well, just hope my happiness lasts.
ewww. someone shitted and the smell's wafting to my room! :( TERRIBLE.
off to watch my show! (;
and you know what happens when you're dozing off and texting at the same time. you tend to subconsciously type what you are really feeling, and that was what i typed... i replied very sadly, telling him it's okay if i'm a panda, then at least when i'm being sent to the zoo, the zoo keeper there will willingly cook mee for me, care for me and tell me he loves me. the benefits of being a panda..
and that i'll be a really happy dog (whytf did i say dog?! omg sia.) if he'd just tell me "sure i'll cook for you when you come over to my place the next time"
still left to guess where i stand in his heart. but now that pms period is over. it's way easier to handle my emotions. i'm gonna be me!
looking back at the message he messaged me before leaving for msia opens. that was the last time i saw him type love you enthusiastically i guess. i want our r/s to go back to the way it was. guess it needs time and luck and efforts on his part. if not i also dont wanna hold on already...
work is so tiring! but today seem to have passed quickly probably because i've slept way more than usual! and he was my alarm clock to wake me up to shower before i go back to sleep. nag nag nag me to quick go bathe and then can sleep properly. but i like. hahaa.
oh well, just hope my happiness lasts.
ewww. someone shitted and the smell's wafting to my room! :( TERRIBLE.
off to watch my show! (;
spin me silly, 11:01 PM.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
i'm tired ttm...cuddled in dear's bed, watching my fav show (for once i get to choose my show!), then fell asleep for awhile in dear's arms as he hugged me like a teddy bear. haha. he was snoring!!! omgness. and the snores are getting louder each day. lols.
i think...this will be the kinda safe and warm feeling i'll get when i'm married in the future i guess. whether or not its with dear... though i hope it to be. its like nothing else mattered for that period of time. it just felt... like nothing bad was gonna ever happen. wish time stopped then.
started coughing before we fell asleep though, itchy throat. and he sayang-ed and patted my back all the way till i stopped...
i guess. with his blunt mouth, its like what anna said. i can only see it through his small actions, whether or not i matter to him. simple things like carrying my bowling bag for me, hugging me when he sees that i'm so tired (he knows i love bear hugs), blanketing me when i'm exposed to the aircon, waking me up gently "dear, wake up. its late.. gotta head home le. before your mum complains...come.", accompanying me to pbc to sign up for my membership. all these small little stuffs i guess.
i think at one point while hugging him, like a little kid snuggled in my arms, i asked him "dear, are you afraid to 依赖别人？" because thats how i feel about him. that he's scared to depend on anyone but himself, because anyone, can just walk away or disappear or die just like that...and your heart will go with them. he didnt reply. (he'll usually refute.) so i just continued to hug him...
its the feeling of wanting to protect the one thing that matters to you most... maybe it's my motherly gf instinct. i dont know? haha.
work was so stressful today. i almost cried at one point when the people started throwing me stuffs from everywhere, asking me to figure them out myself...or being agitated with me whenever i try to ask questions. i'm starting to see the effects of it on my face. but his bear hugs and massage made me more relaxed le. thank you dear.
goodnight world. (:
my heart is back in your hands...handle it with care please. it's already fragile max. i guess i should trust you. and just be happy with you while it lasts. (:
i think...this will be the kinda safe and warm feeling i'll get when i'm married in the future i guess. whether or not its with dear... though i hope it to be. its like nothing else mattered for that period of time. it just felt... like nothing bad was gonna ever happen. wish time stopped then.
started coughing before we fell asleep though, itchy throat. and he sayang-ed and patted my back all the way till i stopped...
i guess. with his blunt mouth, its like what anna said. i can only see it through his small actions, whether or not i matter to him. simple things like carrying my bowling bag for me, hugging me when he sees that i'm so tired (he knows i love bear hugs), blanketing me when i'm exposed to the aircon, waking me up gently "dear, wake up. its late.. gotta head home le. before your mum complains...come.", accompanying me to pbc to sign up for my membership. all these small little stuffs i guess.
i think at one point while hugging him, like a little kid snuggled in my arms, i asked him "dear, are you afraid to 依赖别人？" because thats how i feel about him. that he's scared to depend on anyone but himself, because anyone, can just walk away or disappear or die just like that...and your heart will go with them. he didnt reply. (he'll usually refute.) so i just continued to hug him...
its the feeling of wanting to protect the one thing that matters to you most... maybe it's my motherly gf instinct. i dont know? haha.
work was so stressful today. i almost cried at one point when the people started throwing me stuffs from everywhere, asking me to figure them out myself...or being agitated with me whenever i try to ask questions. i'm starting to see the effects of it on my face. but his bear hugs and massage made me more relaxed le. thank you dear.
goodnight world. (:
my heart is back in your hands...handle it with care please. it's already fragile max. i guess i should trust you. and just be happy with you while it lasts. (:
spin me silly, 1:09 AM.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
dear and i chatted on the phone for 48 minutes today. record breaking! even though its just a simple understanding of each other's week, current songs etc... i feel a little better.
everytime he goes away, i feel like he's so distant cause he doesnt sweet talk me in his msges.. and its rare because he has to bowl his best and he's tired. i understand.
cant wait for him to bring me out on a date! :D
i really wanna wanna go marina barrage and fly a kite though. or camwhore. or to sentosa the shooting place that i wanted to try my marksmanship! or or...even to westcoast park to climb the pyramid together. or even if its back to cycling at ECP.. (: but i dont dare to keep my hopes up for anything..cause i still dont know where i stand in dear's heart... :(
wherever we go, it should be fun... even if we think our r/s isnt gonna work out in the long run, at least, can we make it worthwhile while it lasts? lets just be happy? be frank?
its been 2 months since i last heard him said i miss you or i love you. :( its kinda saddening. to say i've never cried about it is a lie...im trying to believe that its his pride that makes him this way.
fell asleep typing all these. geez. goodnight world! for once, i'm going to sleep a 3/4 contented me...hopefully i get better dreams tonight..(:
urgh so tired. period came. so happy~!
everytime he goes away, i feel like he's so distant cause he doesnt sweet talk me in his msges.. and its rare because he has to bowl his best and he's tired. i understand.
cant wait for him to bring me out on a date! :D
i really wanna wanna go marina barrage and fly a kite though. or camwhore. or to sentosa the shooting place that i wanted to try my marksmanship! or or...even to westcoast park to climb the pyramid together. or even if its back to cycling at ECP.. (: but i dont dare to keep my hopes up for anything..cause i still dont know where i stand in dear's heart... :(
wherever we go, it should be fun... even if we think our r/s isnt gonna work out in the long run, at least, can we make it worthwhile while it lasts? lets just be happy? be frank?
its been 2 months since i last heard him said i miss you or i love you. :( its kinda saddening. to say i've never cried about it is a lie...im trying to believe that its his pride that makes him this way.
fell asleep typing all these. geez. goodnight world! for once, i'm going to sleep a 3/4 contented me...hopefully i get better dreams tonight..(:
urgh so tired. period came. so happy~!
spin me silly, 1:09 AM.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
que sera sera~~~ whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, que sera sera~
i miss him. but i think he didnt even think of me the whole day. forgotten ttm. haha.
whatever laa. he better redeem himself when he comes back. i cant be bothered. i'm already being understanding ttm.. didnt even wanna whatsapp him since he replied mostly one liners. pissed liao.
i hate the feeling of being forgotten or not being loved by the one you love. if one dont say it, dont sms it, dont express it (cause i get to see so little of him), then how on earth am i supposed to feel it? urghhh.
fml.
tired. off to bed.
training was all 3 steps again today! ARGHH!! my thumb is dying. had to ice it. will be bowling at spgg with kor after work tmr. dont care what time he coming back le. since he didnt reply and he doesnt care about my day anyways. cant wait!! (:
i miss him. but i think he didnt even think of me the whole day. forgotten ttm. haha.
whatever laa. he better redeem himself when he comes back. i cant be bothered. i'm already being understanding ttm.. didnt even wanna whatsapp him since he replied mostly one liners. pissed liao.
i hate the feeling of being forgotten or not being loved by the one you love. if one dont say it, dont sms it, dont express it (cause i get to see so little of him), then how on earth am i supposed to feel it? urghhh.
fml.
tired. off to bed.
training was all 3 steps again today! ARGHH!! my thumb is dying. had to ice it. will be bowling at spgg with kor after work tmr. dont care what time he coming back le. since he didnt reply and he doesnt care about my day anyways. cant wait!! (:
spin me silly, 1:00 AM.
Monday, July 25, 2011
ahhh i so miss my nonsense boy!
faster come back into my arms!
eeek!
:(
why is it i know that he's selfish, only thinks about himself most of the time... but... i still love this guy? urgh. stab me somebody. STABBBB ME.
faster come back into my arms!
eeek!
:(
why is it i know that he's selfish, only thinks about himself most of the time... but... i still love this guy? urgh. stab me somebody. STABBBB ME.
spin me silly, 1:54 AM.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
urghh. feeling so tired.
when do you know what to fight for and what to let go?
so many things happened today.
1) went with yy to take pictures at the railway with his friends.
2) got a bad stomachache halfway through, and was suffering at railway mall. kor came to my rescue cause he was nearby. dear, just diao-ed me when i told him. :'( in the end it really hurt bad and i just told him i dont wanna text because it hurts and the more i text the more it hurts. he just said orh okay. i think he doesnt care? all dear cares about is himself.. he hasnt asked about my day or anything! he doesnt ask, i just have to tell. when he's with his friends, with his team, i'm just... not in his mind anymore. until before he sleeps i guess... i feel so distant from him everytime he's away...
3) ended up at kor's family gathering. his cousin's 21st bday. i havent even been to dear's and it didnt help matters when kor's mum asked "isnt this zhe bin's gf??! i'm so confused by you all!"
sighs. the best part is i explained to dear what happened... and he says that as long as im okay, he's fine. i told him i just wanted him to know... he say he wont feel jealous and ask me why will feel jealous de? i was like.. "if my gf went to my good friend's house for family gathering.. its machiam meeting in laws and i'll feel horrible inside. i dont want you to feel this way so i rather tell you? whether or not it matters to you luh"
4) kor and i took a walk at mount faber cause he was too full. and i remember being there with dear the night before he left for Malaysia Opens. that was where we took the polaroid in my wallet. there was where we just sat close to each other and chatted. there was where i gave him the ankle band i made and the letter i wrote.
i dont know how to get outta feeling this way. i need to go on normal dates with him. hold hands, hang out at places, not just at his place. just explore places together.
i dont know what's changed, but ever since he got into national team, i've been thrown aside. i know bowling is his priority. i support him in it... but sometimes, i just need him to support me too. to love me too... to say he misses me. to say he loves me. to tell me i'm on his mind... reassurances...
not just a girlfriend to show off to people "hey, i've got a girlfriend. i'm cool."
my dear tiac, where have you gone to? i miss the caring you. i really do.
so much so i wanna believe that you love me, i really wanna hear it to be honest...
i miss you.
i miss talking crap about the future tgt, like how many beds our house gotta have. how you wanna propose with toilet paper threat, how we can have little tiac terrors roaming the world. lol. dreams... that takes 2 to make it come true.
i'm doing my part as a girlfriend, and i'm trying really hard... i just wanna be able to visualize us walking down the road together... and right now, without fully knowing your love, without normal dates, to be honest, it's a little hard... i'm struggling. and i'm only willing to struggle because i still think its worth fighting for. show me and lemme know you wanna fight on with me okay? that's all i need to know to keep this going... <3
debating whether to go training tmr... i got no transport and i end work at 6...confirm late for training if i go home and get my balls... urgh...
when do you know what to fight for and what to let go?
so many things happened today.
1) went with yy to take pictures at the railway with his friends.
2) got a bad stomachache halfway through, and was suffering at railway mall. kor came to my rescue cause he was nearby. dear, just diao-ed me when i told him. :'( in the end it really hurt bad and i just told him i dont wanna text because it hurts and the more i text the more it hurts. he just said orh okay. i think he doesnt care? all dear cares about is himself.. he hasnt asked about my day or anything! he doesnt ask, i just have to tell. when he's with his friends, with his team, i'm just... not in his mind anymore. until before he sleeps i guess... i feel so distant from him everytime he's away...
3) ended up at kor's family gathering. his cousin's 21st bday. i havent even been to dear's and it didnt help matters when kor's mum asked "isnt this zhe bin's gf??! i'm so confused by you all!"
sighs. the best part is i explained to dear what happened... and he says that as long as im okay, he's fine. i told him i just wanted him to know... he say he wont feel jealous and ask me why will feel jealous de? i was like.. "if my gf went to my good friend's house for family gathering.. its machiam meeting in laws and i'll feel horrible inside. i dont want you to feel this way so i rather tell you? whether or not it matters to you luh"
4) kor and i took a walk at mount faber cause he was too full. and i remember being there with dear the night before he left for Malaysia Opens. that was where we took the polaroid in my wallet. there was where we just sat close to each other and chatted. there was where i gave him the ankle band i made and the letter i wrote.
i dont know how to get outta feeling this way. i need to go on normal dates with him. hold hands, hang out at places, not just at his place. just explore places together.
i dont know what's changed, but ever since he got into national team, i've been thrown aside. i know bowling is his priority. i support him in it... but sometimes, i just need him to support me too. to love me too... to say he misses me. to say he loves me. to tell me i'm on his mind... reassurances...
not just a girlfriend to show off to people "hey, i've got a girlfriend. i'm cool."
my dear tiac, where have you gone to? i miss the caring you. i really do.
so much so i wanna believe that you love me, i really wanna hear it to be honest...
i miss you.
i miss talking crap about the future tgt, like how many beds our house gotta have. how you wanna propose with toilet paper threat, how we can have little tiac terrors roaming the world. lol. dreams... that takes 2 to make it come true.
i'm doing my part as a girlfriend, and i'm trying really hard... i just wanna be able to visualize us walking down the road together... and right now, without fully knowing your love, without normal dates, to be honest, it's a little hard... i'm struggling. and i'm only willing to struggle because i still think its worth fighting for. show me and lemme know you wanna fight on with me okay? that's all i need to know to keep this going... <3
debating whether to go training tmr... i got no transport and i end work at 6...confirm late for training if i go home and get my balls... urgh...
spin me silly, 11:54 PM.
he didnt make it. :(
but his apartment mates jason and ben did.
oh mans. that feeling kinda sucks i guess... to be the only one in your apartment who isn't looking forward to masters the next day. urgh much?
had a great lunch out at East Coast Park with my family. seafood, not exactly my favourite but... glutinous rice with coconut ice cream is <3 AWESOME.
afterwhich, had sucha great time with mich and kor at timbre substation! goodfellas are really quite good. Lol. kenneth and Lydia and 2 of their foreigner friends came halfway too. and we played some game whereby we cant mention numbers that has 3,6,9 in them or can be divided by 3. Kor and Kenneth totally got owned. drives me to the conclusion that, their years in AES, wasted?! what were they doing in maths class??? Hahaha.
urgh. so tired. heading to bed now. goodnight world (:
and later i'll be going to KTM railway for a photoshoot with best male bud yiyong! woohoo! (:
but his apartment mates jason and ben did.
oh mans. that feeling kinda sucks i guess... to be the only one in your apartment who isn't looking forward to masters the next day. urgh much?
had a great lunch out at East Coast Park with my family. seafood, not exactly my favourite but... glutinous rice with coconut ice cream is <3 AWESOME.
afterwhich, had sucha great time with mich and kor at timbre substation! goodfellas are really quite good. Lol. kenneth and Lydia and 2 of their foreigner friends came halfway too. and we played some game whereby we cant mention numbers that has 3,6,9 in them or can be divided by 3. Kor and Kenneth totally got owned. drives me to the conclusion that, their years in AES, wasted?! what were they doing in maths class??? Hahaha.
urgh. so tired. heading to bed now. goodnight world (:
and later i'll be going to KTM railway for a photoshoot with best male bud yiyong! woohoo! (:
spin me silly, 3:20 AM.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
you broke my heart.
that one and only text to you was the most i could muster.
i didnt want to even reply to be honest.
a text without emotions.
a text you would probably roll your eyes at too. but yeah,
宁可信其有，不可信其无
its your choice.
goodnight.
still...
dear god, please bless dear.
let him bowl at least a 225 average! i wish he'll qualify too...
cause this is the jaya ancol lanes... give him the confidence to bowl it again and own it again in november's SEA games.. thats the most impt.
thank you...
that one and only text to you was the most i could muster.
i didnt want to even reply to be honest.
a text without emotions.
a text you would probably roll your eyes at too. but yeah,
宁可信其有，不可信其无
its your choice.
goodnight.
still...
dear god, please bless dear.
let him bowl at least a 225 average! i wish he'll qualify too...
cause this is the jaya ancol lanes... give him the confidence to bowl it again and own it again in november's SEA games.. thats the most impt.
thank you...
spin me silly, 1:37 AM.
Friday, July 22, 2011
my heart hurts.
i feel sick to the gut.
he can tweet but he cannot text me.
he can go online on whatsapp but he couldnt whatsapp me a single line the whole day?
what am i to him?
a plaything??
suddenly the feeling of being an unwanted teddy bear, thrown into the wastepaper basket, is back to haunt me again.
coupled with pms, i cant take it anymore :'(
how could you be so heartless.
i feel sick to the gut.
he can tweet but he cannot text me.
he can go online on whatsapp but he couldnt whatsapp me a single line the whole day?
what am i to him?
a plaything??
suddenly the feeling of being an unwanted teddy bear, thrown into the wastepaper basket, is back to haunt me again.
coupled with pms, i cant take it anymore :'(
how could you be so heartless.
spin me silly, 10:14 PM.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
he, bowled badly. wasnt in a good mood. replied me like this. yeah. this kinda way. just a few words. with fullstops behind. oh well, at least he replied issit? yeah. thats the positive side to it.
and here i'm, being the understanding and supportive gf again. i understand his lousy mood. but its been like that for the past 2 days... tell me he's going to bed and then see him adding people on fb, see him tweeting like 1/2-1 hour later after he tells me so... :(
will i ever ever ever feel super duper loved and appreciated by him..for all the supporting i've done?? why so different from msia opens! oh well. heck. he doesnt even bother replying to my sweet goodnight text these days.
bowled league today! at e!hub! against NP team 1... was the first bowler because i had the highest handicap of 35 pins thanks to OCC's lanes -.-" i hated them. but after today, i'm left with 24 pins handicap! (: :( mixed feelings actually. without handicap, i bowled 149, 168, 177 today! (: with the new handicap, i totaled 173, 192, 201! :D hahaha. should be worth many points i hope. redeem myself for only winning 1 point in week 1. >.<"
Ian, Raymond, Kor and Brian Seet didi had a bonding session instead. lol. so cute. When brian tried to treat Ian like a baby, just because ian lost by a few pins. HAHA.
it's been a tiring day at work, but bowling made me happy again. (even though i stepped on the cockroach on my 2nd frame into my first game. no wonder i slipped -.-)(and ARGH! i forgot to clean my left sole!!!)
ok. time to blow hair and get to bed!
before that, my wishes for the day:
dear god,
please make my dear happy. please help him bowl well, and shoo away whatever evil spirits lurking around him (mirror thingy. yes i'm pantang. even if he's not -.-). please guide him, even though he doesnt believe in you. let him excel. let him shine. i'm okay even if i'm being neglected in the process. yes it hurts, but i'll be fine. if he's happy, its good enough...
please help him straight into masters! Thanks!
yoko yoko, thank you for keeping my hurting left shoulder warm on a night like this. you're my most trusted friend. (:
and here i'm, being the understanding and supportive gf again. i understand his lousy mood. but its been like that for the past 2 days... tell me he's going to bed and then see him adding people on fb, see him tweeting like 1/2-1 hour later after he tells me so... :(
will i ever ever ever feel super duper loved and appreciated by him..for all the supporting i've done?? why so different from msia opens! oh well. heck. he doesnt even bother replying to my sweet goodnight text these days.
bowled league today! at e!hub! against NP team 1... was the first bowler because i had the highest handicap of 35 pins thanks to OCC's lanes -.-" i hated them. but after today, i'm left with 24 pins handicap! (: :( mixed feelings actually. without handicap, i bowled 149, 168, 177 today! (: with the new handicap, i totaled 173, 192, 201! :D hahaha. should be worth many points i hope. redeem myself for only winning 1 point in week 1. >.<"
Ian, Raymond, Kor and Brian Seet didi had a bonding session instead. lol. so cute. When brian tried to treat Ian like a baby, just because ian lost by a few pins. HAHA.
it's been a tiring day at work, but bowling made me happy again. (even though i stepped on the cockroach on my 2nd frame into my first game. no wonder i slipped -.-)(and ARGH! i forgot to clean my left sole!!!)
ok. time to blow hair and get to bed!
before that, my wishes for the day:
dear god,
please make my dear happy. please help him bowl well, and shoo away whatever evil spirits lurking around him (mirror thingy. yes i'm pantang. even if he's not -.-). please guide him, even though he doesnt believe in you. let him excel. let him shine. i'm okay even if i'm being neglected in the process. yes it hurts, but i'll be fine. if he's happy, its good enough...
please help him straight into masters! Thanks!
yoko yoko, thank you for keeping my hurting left shoulder warm on a night like this. you're my most trusted friend. (:
spin me silly, 1:19 AM.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
<3 jiayou dear. (;
i've got faith in you!
Good luck high score!
and while he owns the lanes in Jaya Ancol, Indonesia, i hope i can own my lane at e!hub for collegiate league tomorrow! .__." come on mel. you better pick up your spares later uhh! stop being a throw face! you're supposed to be an asset okay, not a liability! :\ make full use of your erm... max handicap. haha! :P
work's so tiring. i really hate it. :(
even brought it home. probably have to look at it in awhile.
and there's no one to hear me rant...or gimme 2 minutes to talk about my bad day. :( omg.
and my shoulder's still hurting from monday but i left my yoko yoko in kor's car!
the funny thing is, i missed dear like shit while he was in Shah Anam for Malaysia opens, but this time, yes i miss him too. but i actually find myself coping so much easier. maybe cause it's the 2nd time he's away. and no time for him also. haha. i guess i need to stop depending so much on him. stop letting my emotions be 100% controlled by him uhh. (:
a little bit of faith, and a little bit of trust is all i need for now.
yay bowling league with kor and xm ltr! lol. (: and ian and raymond too and brian xiao di di too. at least ian and i are on talking terms again i guess? hmm...
think he's about done with his MQ for the night. LOL. as i said he whatsapped me! :D <3
going to see how he did. signing off! :D
:( he used hellooo. where "dear"!!! oh well. at least he reported strength. guess he's probably dead tired.
i'm heading to bed too. time to do better tomorrow. he better dear me tmr! RAWRS.
i've got faith in you!
Good luck high score!
and while he owns the lanes in Jaya Ancol, Indonesia, i hope i can own my lane at e!hub for collegiate league tomorrow! .__." come on mel. you better pick up your spares later uhh! stop being a throw face! you're supposed to be an asset okay, not a liability! :\ make full use of your erm... max handicap. haha! :P
work's so tiring. i really hate it. :(
even brought it home. probably have to look at it in awhile.
and there's no one to hear me rant...or gimme 2 minutes to talk about my bad day. :( omg.
and my shoulder's still hurting from monday but i left my yoko yoko in kor's car!
the funny thing is, i missed dear like shit while he was in Shah Anam for Malaysia opens, but this time, yes i miss him too. but i actually find myself coping so much easier. maybe cause it's the 2nd time he's away. and no time for him also. haha. i guess i need to stop depending so much on him. stop letting my emotions be 100% controlled by him uhh. (:
a little bit of faith, and a little bit of trust is all i need for now.
yay bowling league with kor and xm ltr! lol. (: and ian and raymond too and brian xiao di di too. at least ian and i are on talking terms again i guess? hmm...
think he's about done with his MQ for the night. LOL. as i said he whatsapped me! :D <3
going to see how he did. signing off! :D
:( he used hellooo. where "dear"!!! oh well. at least he reported strength. guess he's probably dead tired.
i'm heading to bed too. time to do better tomorrow. he better dear me tmr! RAWRS.
spin me silly, 11:56 PM.
am so gonna miss the dumbass, even if he wont say he miss me.
hope he can whatsapp me and remember my souvenior! (:
dear god,
please let my dear win top 5 this time! (:
will be spiritually supporting him from here (since i lost my half of the ankle band i made for him, in his favourite national colors :( )
i hope he brings it!
if he wins, i can nag him to bring me out for a meal liao!
dear's gonna be gone for a week! timeeee to partyyyy. hahaha! :P
hope he can whatsapp me and remember my souvenior! (:
dear god,
please let my dear win top 5 this time! (:
will be spiritually supporting him from here (since i lost my half of the ankle band i made for him, in his favourite national colors :( )
i hope he brings it!
if he wins, i can nag him to bring me out for a meal liao!
dear's gonna be gone for a week! timeeee to partyyyy. hahaha! :P
spin me silly, 12:40 AM.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
aint feeling too good for the whole day.
first time in a week that i reach home at 7pm i guess.
so friggin tired.
dear's suddenly like cold to me again. sighs.
he's been replying 1-2 liners the whole afternoon before his training.
mel, stop being greedy. you know he came down for you ytd, so stop asking for more. just be happy he joined you for training yesterday. just be happy he carried your bag for you.
uh, aquarius people, why are you all full of your own thoughts and so why do you all hide your own emotions? i'm still trying to break down the wall between us.. dear wall, crumble already.
wanted to chit chat with him last night, so i called, but he sounded so uninterested, like ji-gong was all that mattered. so i gave up and said good night.
my day was nothing but filing, filing, filing and more filing. paperwork, paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork.
SIGHS. tomorrow's the day we were supposed to leave for UiTM too. but what the hell, our coaches aren't free and the school officers are free, so we cant go. i'm really so disappointed. it's been like...5 years since i've gone on a sports trip with my own team. :(
stomache. toilet here i come.
first time in a week that i reach home at 7pm i guess.
so friggin tired.
dear's suddenly like cold to me again. sighs.
he's been replying 1-2 liners the whole afternoon before his training.
mel, stop being greedy. you know he came down for you ytd, so stop asking for more. just be happy he joined you for training yesterday. just be happy he carried your bag for you.
uh, aquarius people, why are you all full of your own thoughts and so why do you all hide your own emotions? i'm still trying to break down the wall between us.. dear wall, crumble already.
wanted to chit chat with him last night, so i called, but he sounded so uninterested, like ji-gong was all that mattered. so i gave up and said good night.
my day was nothing but filing, filing, filing and more filing. paperwork, paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork.
SIGHS. tomorrow's the day we were supposed to leave for UiTM too. but what the hell, our coaches aren't free and the school officers are free, so we cant go. i'm really so disappointed. it's been like...5 years since i've gone on a sports trip with my own team. :(
stomache. toilet here i come.
spin me silly, 7:18 PM.
omgsofreakingtiredddd!!! i cannot take it already! gonna head to bed soon... urgh. already at the stage of stoning...
dear came to find me at training today (: like he promised. cause i asked if we could meet like any of the 2 days before he flies off for indonesia opens for a week. so that i wont miss him so much and he wont miss me and be able to concentrate too. lOL.
doubt i'll get to see him tomorrow...so the next time i'll see him...at least 1 week later? aww mans, i'm missing him already... never gonna admit it to him though.
work was terrible, especially when i tried surviving through it with only 4 hours of sleep. i seriously fell asleep every minute while doing data entry for the first 2 hours...only until they gave me more hands on work to do, did i freshen up a little. oh boy, i so cant imagine me doing an office job in the future... i find work so depressing... :(
training was so tiring! but heehee, got kor, got dear... melly's a happy girl at today's training. :P
time to settle sunig stuffs. urgh... work plus training plus sunig planning plus missing dear. ooo lala, goodluck to me for the rest of the week leh! 32 more days of work left! :( JIAYOU MEL!!!!
bowling league with kor on thursday! weeehee! :D but its at e!hub @ tampines. omg...cause my workplace is at..well..Toa payoh! ohmytiannnn....
my last pair of havaianas broke today :( seriously speaking...my stuffs keep going missing or spoiling, WHY SIA?! 2 pairs of havaianas, my ankle band that i made for myself and dear, my handphone bumper (the one dear gave me), my phone (when i fell), my belt (which is gonna split into two?), whats next?! :( i dont like these kinda things happening to me!
dear came to find me at training today (: like he promised. cause i asked if we could meet like any of the 2 days before he flies off for indonesia opens for a week. so that i wont miss him so much and he wont miss me and be able to concentrate too. lOL.
doubt i'll get to see him tomorrow...so the next time i'll see him...at least 1 week later? aww mans, i'm missing him already... never gonna admit it to him though.
work was terrible, especially when i tried surviving through it with only 4 hours of sleep. i seriously fell asleep every minute while doing data entry for the first 2 hours...only until they gave me more hands on work to do, did i freshen up a little. oh boy, i so cant imagine me doing an office job in the future... i find work so depressing... :(
training was so tiring! but heehee, got kor, got dear... melly's a happy girl at today's training. :P
time to settle sunig stuffs. urgh... work plus training plus sunig planning plus missing dear. ooo lala, goodluck to me for the rest of the week leh! 32 more days of work left! :( JIAYOU MEL!!!!
bowling league with kor on thursday! weeehee! :D but its at e!hub @ tampines. omg...cause my workplace is at..well..Toa payoh! ohmytiannnn....
my last pair of havaianas broke today :( seriously speaking...my stuffs keep going missing or spoiling, WHY SIA?! 2 pairs of havaianas, my ankle band that i made for myself and dear, my handphone bumper (the one dear gave me), my phone (when i fell), my belt (which is gonna split into two?), whats next?! :( i dont like these kinda things happening to me!
spin me silly, 12:24 AM.
Monday, July 18, 2011
would you come to me when one day, i get too tired to carry on?
i dont want you to let me go if i get tired of making all the efforts one day, on the contrary, i wish you would tell me you love me, cannot imagine life without me and win me back, right into your arms.
but i roughly know where i stand. its nowhere near your bowling or your friends...
i'm so so tired. i wish you will understand and come find me automatically like you used to instead.
sometimes i really want to ask him, if he's in it for lust or love...or in it just because its a responsibility, and not because he loves me anymore. i really dont know. am i his best friend? am i just being made used of for certain reasons? or am i still in the grey area, whereby he doesn't know how much i mean to him? i really have no idea. this is the first time i've been so insecured of where i stand in a relationship. i know i shouldnt bother too much. but somehow, its starting to bug me more, especially after friday night, 15 july 2011...a date i shall not forget for the rest of my life i guess.
i think if MCP is used to describe men, then i must be a FCP... because i'm the sort who wants my man to be the one giving in, caring for me and telling me he loves me, like everyday...i like to be the one who calls the shots...or decide on where i wanna go on dates...
i love him. i still do. i really want to believe in dear. that he'll not give me up just because he doesnt wanna make the bare minimal efforts...
dear god, please, let him be a more loving man. please stop testing me on my perseverance, on how long i can take giving in and making all the efforts, just to keep him by my side. because i'm seriously starting to doubt myself too...
on the positive note: baby got 3rd overall for rolloffs today! am so happy that he sounded so happy. (:
but he fell asleep le :( boohoos. he's probably too tired from the rolloffs. tsk.
i dont want you to let me go if i get tired of making all the efforts one day, on the contrary, i wish you would tell me you love me, cannot imagine life without me and win me back, right into your arms.
but i roughly know where i stand. its nowhere near your bowling or your friends...
i'm so so tired. i wish you will understand and come find me automatically like you used to instead.
sometimes i really want to ask him, if he's in it for lust or love...or in it just because its a responsibility, and not because he loves me anymore. i really dont know. am i his best friend? am i just being made used of for certain reasons? or am i still in the grey area, whereby he doesn't know how much i mean to him? i really have no idea. this is the first time i've been so insecured of where i stand in a relationship. i know i shouldnt bother too much. but somehow, its starting to bug me more, especially after friday night, 15 july 2011...a date i shall not forget for the rest of my life i guess.
i think if MCP is used to describe men, then i must be a FCP... because i'm the sort who wants my man to be the one giving in, caring for me and telling me he loves me, like everyday...i like to be the one who calls the shots...or decide on where i wanna go on dates...
i love him. i still do. i really want to believe in dear. that he'll not give me up just because he doesnt wanna make the bare minimal efforts...
dear god, please, let him be a more loving man. please stop testing me on my perseverance, on how long i can take giving in and making all the efforts, just to keep him by my side. because i'm seriously starting to doubt myself too...
on the positive note: baby got 3rd overall for rolloffs today! am so happy that he sounded so happy. (:
but he fell asleep le :( boohoos. he's probably too tired from the rolloffs. tsk.
spin me silly, 12:46 AM.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
to be honest. i'm scaredd after last night. :(
will everyone feel like that after...?
its like...i dont know. maybe cause we aren't that stable at the moment yet...
or maybe cause..i'm just a beginner in this aspect.
bowled 156, 141, 112, 177, 182 at mf with isaac toby ezekiel and fitria after dinner at dear's place with dear ytd. (:
hopefully our happy days will stay. i gotta learn to be very independent if i want this r/s to work. at the same time, hopefully he gets more caring and more sensitive to my feelings like he was ytd. he really just hugged me around the waist when we met.. lol. cause i asked him for my big hug after a tired week at work. and then he sa jiao all the way. hahaha. irritating pig.
am just happy to see him again.
wonder how long does happiness last. but oh well, not gonna think about it already. like toby said "enjoy the moment while it last" no point living in misery when life's this precious. learn to be positive mel! (:
will everyone feel like that after...?
its like...i dont know. maybe cause we aren't that stable at the moment yet...
or maybe cause..i'm just a beginner in this aspect.
bowled 156, 141, 112, 177, 182 at mf with isaac toby ezekiel and fitria after dinner at dear's place with dear ytd. (:
hopefully our happy days will stay. i gotta learn to be very independent if i want this r/s to work. at the same time, hopefully he gets more caring and more sensitive to my feelings like he was ytd. he really just hugged me around the waist when we met.. lol. cause i asked him for my big hug after a tired week at work. and then he sa jiao all the way. hahaha. irritating pig.
am just happy to see him again.
wonder how long does happiness last. but oh well, not gonna think about it already. like toby said "enjoy the moment while it last" no point living in misery when life's this precious. learn to be positive mel! (:
spin me silly, 10:17 PM.
Friday, July 15, 2011
what i need arent his texts.
what i need is him. his presence.
if texting is an effort, then every couple in the world, will be very happy together. i'm so tired today i dont even wish to act enthusiastic about texting. maybe i simply, secretly wished for his presence. hence the sian-ness. i dont even remember the last time we went on a date. one month plus ago? 5 weeks i guess...
it's come to the point that to stop myself from hurting in his confusion, or thinking about him, im desperately trying to fill my schedule to the brim. so that i wont think "hey, everyone's boyfriends, no matter how huge their dreams are, how tough their trainings are, how they can fall asleep in the car on the way to the train station, but still find the energy to go for supper with their girlfriends. or want to see them all the time... what about mine?" and the conclusion is "dont compare, my dear girl. give him time. if he cant learn to juggle his dreams and you after a while more, then you know you arent important to him, and he isnt worthy of you. you deserve someone who'll actually come look aft you when you're sick, someone who wouldnt scold or get frustrated with you just because you emo and made him lose focus...someone who wants to see you, wants to hear your voice, wants to be with you...any free time he can get. no matter how busy he is. cause he knows you miss him, and he misses you too. not because he only thinks mostly of his own feelings..." i miss the old tiac. i really do. or is this the real him?
f. not gonna emo anymore. i need my life too. (;
isaac, daryl, anna, toby. you guys have worked hard on the westbowl lanes. it sucks ttm. but you guys completed the game. good enough! (: i'm proud of you guys.
watched chiewpang bowled too. nice. haha. it took him so long to recognize me mans. LOL. was i all that weird in a dress, a cardigan, eyeliner, small bag and spectacles?
what i need is him. his presence.
if texting is an effort, then every couple in the world, will be very happy together. i'm so tired today i dont even wish to act enthusiastic about texting. maybe i simply, secretly wished for his presence. hence the sian-ness. i dont even remember the last time we went on a date. one month plus ago? 5 weeks i guess...
it's come to the point that to stop myself from hurting in his confusion, or thinking about him, im desperately trying to fill my schedule to the brim. so that i wont think "hey, everyone's boyfriends, no matter how huge their dreams are, how tough their trainings are, how they can fall asleep in the car on the way to the train station, but still find the energy to go for supper with their girlfriends. or want to see them all the time... what about mine?" and the conclusion is "dont compare, my dear girl. give him time. if he cant learn to juggle his dreams and you after a while more, then you know you arent important to him, and he isnt worthy of you. you deserve someone who'll actually come look aft you when you're sick, someone who wouldnt scold or get frustrated with you just because you emo and made him lose focus...someone who wants to see you, wants to hear your voice, wants to be with you...any free time he can get. no matter how busy he is. cause he knows you miss him, and he misses you too. not because he only thinks mostly of his own feelings..." i miss the old tiac. i really do. or is this the real him?
f. not gonna emo anymore. i need my life too. (;
isaac, daryl, anna, toby. you guys have worked hard on the westbowl lanes. it sucks ttm. but you guys completed the game. good enough! (: i'm proud of you guys.
watched chiewpang bowled too. nice. haha. it took him so long to recognize me mans. LOL. was i all that weird in a dress, a cardigan, eyeliner, small bag and spectacles?
spin me silly, 12:15 AM.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
happy 4th month baby. (:
and i say this with a heavy heart.
maybe i should stop being the person who makes dear lose focus in his bowling...
he actually doesnt understand how everytime i'm unhappy, it'll affect his focus on bowling. he doesnt understand why.
i wanna be the one supporting him, not the one making him lose focus on his dreams.
if really need be, i'll set him free and let him see if he can focus better without me by his side, without me on his mind...
he's a confused guy because he wants his dreams, determined to achieve them in the next 3 years. yet he has this gf, and being his first longer relationship, he doesnt quite know how to handle it, and he's quite frustrated over it... over his ability to lose focus in bowling everytime we quarrel...
if dear could juggle between both, i'm sure he'll excel. both in terms of achieving his dreams (because he has full support from me) and also in terms of love (relationship wise). he'll have the best of both worlds...
but he's struggling now because he doesn't know how to cope... will his life be better without me as a distraction factor? :(
if yes, he can go... i dont wanna be the 绊脚石 on his route to achieving his dream... i can support him, only if he's happy with my support. if he's happier alone, i'm willing to suffer the heartbreak and let him go.....
all at the expense of my own heart and soul.
and i say this with a heavy heart.
maybe i should stop being the person who makes dear lose focus in his bowling...
he actually doesnt understand how everytime i'm unhappy, it'll affect his focus on bowling. he doesnt understand why.
i wanna be the one supporting him, not the one making him lose focus on his dreams.
if really need be, i'll set him free and let him see if he can focus better without me by his side, without me on his mind...
he's a confused guy because he wants his dreams, determined to achieve them in the next 3 years. yet he has this gf, and being his first longer relationship, he doesnt quite know how to handle it, and he's quite frustrated over it... over his ability to lose focus in bowling everytime we quarrel...
if dear could juggle between both, i'm sure he'll excel. both in terms of achieving his dreams (because he has full support from me) and also in terms of love (relationship wise). he'll have the best of both worlds...
but he's struggling now because he doesn't know how to cope... will his life be better without me as a distraction factor? :(
if yes, he can go... i dont wanna be the 绊脚石 on his route to achieving his dream... i can support him, only if he's happy with my support. if he's happier alone, i'm willing to suffer the heartbreak and let him go.....
all at the expense of my own heart and soul.
spin me silly, 9:55 PM.
my heart's in a mess.
it really is.
stop blowing hot and cold.. stop it. can you just tell me you love me? ='(
it really is.
stop blowing hot and cold.. stop it. can you just tell me you love me? ='(
spin me silly, 12:50 AM.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
dear,
i missed you so.
acting tough and all in front of everyone because i didnt wanna look like i'm the happiest girl on earth just because you appeared...
everytime you pop outta nowhere, i feel happy. but then again, 我好害怕，幸福哪怕只是短短一下下...
from the soft look in your eyes, i know that there's still humanity in you, there's still warm feelings in you. and i know i still have a place in your heart. sometimes, the eyes actually tell me more than what your lips do. (oh wait, your lips never do tell me). but yes dear, the look makes me melt. makes me go weak in the knees. so please stop leaving me hanging, for i'll crumble and dieeeee!
i called him 口是心非 and teased him in the car on the way to supper. hahaha.
to be honest, i feel that even though our r/s is not stable now. i feel like we communicate more than we ever did as a couple from the start. we're starting to learn to share... learn to listen.. bit by bit. and i hope this will never end, (even though i'm already shielding my heart from the possible hurt it might suffer in the long run...)
因为曾经拥有，所以害怕失去。
dear god,
teach me how to love me man in a way he'll love me back the same...
and yay. he made it to indonesia opens! (: (even though i wont see him for 6 days. but oh well!)
i missed you so.
acting tough and all in front of everyone because i didnt wanna look like i'm the happiest girl on earth just because you appeared...
everytime you pop outta nowhere, i feel happy. but then again, 我好害怕，幸福哪怕只是短短一下下...
from the soft look in your eyes, i know that there's still humanity in you, there's still warm feelings in you. and i know i still have a place in your heart. sometimes, the eyes actually tell me more than what your lips do. (oh wait, your lips never do tell me). but yes dear, the look makes me melt. makes me go weak in the knees. so please stop leaving me hanging, for i'll crumble and dieeeee!
i called him 口是心非 and teased him in the car on the way to supper. hahaha.
to be honest, i feel that even though our r/s is not stable now. i feel like we communicate more than we ever did as a couple from the start. we're starting to learn to share... learn to listen.. bit by bit. and i hope this will never end, (even though i'm already shielding my heart from the possible hurt it might suffer in the long run...)
因为曾经拥有，所以害怕失去。
dear god,
teach me how to love me man in a way he'll love me back the same...
and yay. he made it to indonesia opens! (: (even though i wont see him for 6 days. but oh well!)
spin me silly, 12:23 AM.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
and
dear god,
i know i asked for a loyal woodblock for a boyfriend...
but 100% woodblock? :( oh mans, thank you for the accuracy and efficiency.
dear god,
i know i asked for a loyal woodblock for a boyfriend...
but 100% woodblock? :( oh mans, thank you for the accuracy and efficiency.
spin me silly, 3:36 AM.
told dear that i'm really tired already. that i wont ask him out no more. cause i'm super tired. he want he ask. he make the effort. if not, i'll just give it all up. cause i dont wanna be a girl with no backbone, lunch also i ask him, dinner also me, supper also me. he's not been asking me out mans. i've just been fitting in to his schedule and being taken for granted. and its enough.
if he doesnt make the effort, then goodbye.
i dont see the worth of putting any more effort when i'm not being appreciated for all that i've done.
dear, i hope you get it soon. cause, i'm seriously really tired from my one sided love and sacrifices.
i love you but sometimes love, can only last when another party gives in and makes the efforts too.
i dont wanna envy other couples anymore. i want other couples to envy us, like during our 1st mth together...
dear god, what else can i do?
i leave it in your hands. i believe if my efforts were meant to be recognized, it will be. if not, then he's obviously not worth having my loyalty and my trust and my love and my support...
i miss my old tiac, i miss him sweet talking me. can you find him back for me, dear god? :(
if he doesnt make the effort, then goodbye.
i dont see the worth of putting any more effort when i'm not being appreciated for all that i've done.
dear, i hope you get it soon. cause, i'm seriously really tired from my one sided love and sacrifices.
i love you but sometimes love, can only last when another party gives in and makes the efforts too.
i dont wanna envy other couples anymore. i want other couples to envy us, like during our 1st mth together...
dear god, what else can i do?
i leave it in your hands. i believe if my efforts were meant to be recognized, it will be. if not, then he's obviously not worth having my loyalty and my trust and my love and my support...
i miss my old tiac, i miss him sweet talking me. can you find him back for me, dear god? :(
spin me silly, 3:10 AM.
Friday, July 8, 2011
i love watching dear bowl, from the sidelines...and pretending i'm not watching because i dont wanna give him so much attention.
was so embarrassed to pass him the share tea i bought for him while he was with his teammates having dinner today...the girls were giggling away. gosh.
i bowled like a clown today. i bowled like shit. 130 123 123. i maxed out my handicap for next week le. epic. occ's lanes... i've never bowled at occ, never bowled outside line, plus my ball speed only 14.5km/hr. even when i throw perfect pockets, my ball speed plus my light ball weight of 13lbs... always end up with splits. i split 5 out of 10 frames in my game. 5 8 split or 7 10 split. wth?! :'( i'm annoyed at myself for bowling such shit score! what is wrong with me?!?!
going for interview later. hope i manage to ask for a higher pay. even $1 more every hour is good. cause $1 more an hour = $9.50 more a day. can cover 3 bowling games lo! LOL.
i really don't mind trying out uob travel planner, even if it means 0830am at toa payoh everyday...
was so embarrassed to pass him the share tea i bought for him while he was with his teammates having dinner today...the girls were giggling away. gosh.
i bowled like a clown today. i bowled like shit. 130 123 123. i maxed out my handicap for next week le. epic. occ's lanes... i've never bowled at occ, never bowled outside line, plus my ball speed only 14.5km/hr. even when i throw perfect pockets, my ball speed plus my light ball weight of 13lbs... always end up with splits. i split 5 out of 10 frames in my game. 5 8 split or 7 10 split. wth?! :'( i'm annoyed at myself for bowling such shit score! what is wrong with me?!?!
going for interview later. hope i manage to ask for a higher pay. even $1 more every hour is good. cause $1 more an hour = $9.50 more a day. can cover 3 bowling games lo! LOL.
i really don't mind trying out uob travel planner, even if it means 0830am at toa payoh everyday...
spin me silly, 3:21 AM.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
ha. ha. ha. i gave in again. i'm the fool.
i cried over the phone, i cried.
fml.
if he cant change that part of him for me, then there's no point, cause i wont be able to live like that in the long run. if he cant change for me (its not like i'm asking him to go for a makeover or drastic surgery or something), might as well cut it short. every girl needs reassurances, i'm a typical next door girl. i need them too. i'm not superwoman.
dear god,
what should i do? i'm shivering. i only shiver when something bad's happened and i cry.
everyone's telling me to give him up. but it's me who's stubborn and want to hold on to the little bit of love, to the bond we share... am i being stupid? :'(
anyway today marks the start of collegiate league, i'm just gonna play to the best of my ability from the limited amount of knowledge i have so far with regards to bowling.
put all my thoughts into bowling, then i wont be miserable.
then i wont have to think.
self denial ftw.
i cried over the phone, i cried.
fml.
if he cant change that part of him for me, then there's no point, cause i wont be able to live like that in the long run. if he cant change for me (its not like i'm asking him to go for a makeover or drastic surgery or something), might as well cut it short. every girl needs reassurances, i'm a typical next door girl. i need them too. i'm not superwoman.
dear god,
what should i do? i'm shivering. i only shiver when something bad's happened and i cry.
everyone's telling me to give him up. but it's me who's stubborn and want to hold on to the little bit of love, to the bond we share... am i being stupid? :'(
anyway today marks the start of collegiate league, i'm just gonna play to the best of my ability from the limited amount of knowledge i have so far with regards to bowling.
put all my thoughts into bowling, then i wont be miserable.
then i wont have to think.
self denial ftw.
spin me silly, 11:06 PM.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
there's a limit to my patience. dont cross the line. how long can anyone go on for someone without that special someone telling them "you're special to me too"? or rather, don't even mention anything with regards to emotions at all.
DEAR, CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHERE DO I STAND IN YOUR HEART OR HOW MUCH I MEAN TO YOU ALREADY?? I DONT THINK I CAN TAKE IT MUCH LONGER YOU KNOW? :'(
DEAR, CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHERE DO I STAND IN YOUR HEART OR HOW MUCH I MEAN TO YOU ALREADY?? I DONT THINK I CAN TAKE IT MUCH LONGER YOU KNOW? :'(
spin me silly, 11:41 PM.
loves it when he just hugs me from the back when we snuggle up and just cuddle.
still, it doesnt tell me much whether or not he loves me. sighs.
i wish he'll hug me from the back and whisper in my ears that he loves me. i'll melt like a snowman. seriously. urghhh.
and omg, i think i'm cursed for life. :( weird.
still, it doesnt tell me much whether or not he loves me. sighs.
i wish he'll hug me from the back and whisper in my ears that he loves me. i'll melt like a snowman. seriously. urghhh.
and omg, i think i'm cursed for life. :( weird.
spin me silly, 3:55 PM.
Monday, July 4, 2011
nevertheless, dear's still who i wanna be with now...
i hope to see him in my future too, like how kenneth and lydia see each other in theirs.
although i feel it's gonna be a long tiring journey...
unless he opens up to me about every damn thing and learn how to express emotions so i wont be some emo queen. i hate to feel emotionally needy. seriously...
just wish he tells me he loves me or misses me ah!
training later! woohoo!
751 for 5 games... 150.2 per game. okay. i'm just happy i bowled better! come on mel. you can only get better! thumb, please stop swelling. please please. I wanna be able to use you to bowl tomorrow. i dont want you to get stuck in my thumbhole!!! :( i need to learn how to play outside line...cant always be playing safe lines like 26, 15...
i hope to see him in my future too, like how kenneth and lydia see each other in theirs.
although i feel it's gonna be a long tiring journey...
unless he opens up to me about every damn thing and learn how to express emotions so i wont be some emo queen. i hate to feel emotionally needy. seriously...
just wish he tells me he loves me or misses me ah!
training later! woohoo!
751 for 5 games... 150.2 per game. okay. i'm just happy i bowled better! come on mel. you can only get better! thumb, please stop swelling. please please. I wanna be able to use you to bowl tomorrow. i dont want you to get stuck in my thumbhole!!! :( i need to learn how to play outside line...cant always be playing safe lines like 26, 15...
spin me silly, 2:28 AM.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
thank you god!
dear's happy today. he bowled 6th overall. he covered his bad first day of rolloffs. from 16th place all the way to 6th. although he said he could have done much better and be first, i can hear the happiness in his voice. he's still happy he got 6th overall, that i know. haha. so thank you! (:
my wound's leaking non stop -_-" IT BETTER NOT LEAK ONTO MY NEW BOWLING SHOES AT TRAINING TMR. I WILL GO CRAZY!
overslept at kor's place today. mich and i were sleeping so soundly in his bed! HAHA! the bed is just too good. seriously. then went to sentosa for gathering with my sports leaders. we were so crappy all the way. but i had fun. (: just so paiseh to play volleyball in my bikini. why? cause i'm flat!! :(
i miss dear! but...does he miss me? i think he's feeling guilty from neglecting me too much already.. suddenly become a sweeter guy this week. but somehow, i dont believe this is gonna last. at least he doesnt gimme the reason to believe it will.
i wanna do so many things with my other half:
1) go USS
2) go holiday (anywhere!)
3) go beach lie on sand and watch the stars and just talk about anything and everything together
4) watch songs of the sea
5) try the multi colored xiao long baos at food paradise @ Ion
and it goes on and on... but, these are things i cant foresee doing in the near future. cause everything's expensive, dear's always in cranky mood and he has no time... he has to train. he's busy chasing his dreams... what about my dreams of having to do anything and everything with my other half? supporting his dreams will mean i lose mine... i'm so confused.
is love alone really enough?
dear's happy today. he bowled 6th overall. he covered his bad first day of rolloffs. from 16th place all the way to 6th. although he said he could have done much better and be first, i can hear the happiness in his voice. he's still happy he got 6th overall, that i know. haha. so thank you! (:
my wound's leaking non stop -_-" IT BETTER NOT LEAK ONTO MY NEW BOWLING SHOES AT TRAINING TMR. I WILL GO CRAZY!
overslept at kor's place today. mich and i were sleeping so soundly in his bed! HAHA! the bed is just too good. seriously. then went to sentosa for gathering with my sports leaders. we were so crappy all the way. but i had fun. (: just so paiseh to play volleyball in my bikini. why? cause i'm flat!! :(
i miss dear! but...does he miss me? i think he's feeling guilty from neglecting me too much already.. suddenly become a sweeter guy this week. but somehow, i dont believe this is gonna last. at least he doesnt gimme the reason to believe it will.
i wanna do so many things with my other half:
1) go USS
2) go holiday (anywhere!)
3) go beach lie on sand and watch the stars and just talk about anything and everything together
4) watch songs of the sea
5) try the multi colored xiao long baos at food paradise @ Ion
and it goes on and on... but, these are things i cant foresee doing in the near future. cause everything's expensive, dear's always in cranky mood and he has no time... he has to train. he's busy chasing his dreams... what about my dreams of having to do anything and everything with my other half? supporting his dreams will mean i lose mine... i'm so confused.
is love alone really enough?
spin me silly, 11:45 PM.
improved alot alot more for smu doubles than for ntu opens. (: from 135 average to 150 average.. hope collegiate league will be much better!
babe came down to watch me bowl today. however, everytime he sits behind to watch me bowl, i'll either miss spares or split -_-" i bowled my lowest game when he was watching. crap. that 137 pulled me down quite alot :(
so tired already. at kor's place with mich. htht about religion and marriage and stuffs whatnot.
wish i were staying over at dear's place instead! but nah, don't wanna disturb him for his rolloffs tomorrow.
dear god,
i hope he can perform at his best tomorrow! (: just let him be in tip top condition and not the current cranky mood he was in before he slept. let him regain his confidence for his rolloffs. let him come off strong! (:
spin me silly, 3:00 AM.
Friday, July 1, 2011
i love my stubborn man! (:
he's adorable.
hahaha.
eh. but how did he know i complain he no time for me and complain he never come down watch me bowl?!?! O_o
he's adorable.
hahaha.
eh. but how did he know i complain he no time for me and complain he never come down watch me bowl?!?! O_o
spin me silly, 2:57 PM.
me <3 baby.
crapping over the phone with him makes me happy. (:
and thank you god,
my prayers were answered! he's a much much happier man today because he bowled a whole lot better. let him ace his rolloffs on sunday too! (: and let whatever family problems he might be having, disappear.
i think i found my comfortable swing too! :D but damnit...changing the thumbhole of my spareball just before doubles isnt a good idea. i'm doomed. my thumb keeps getting stucked. its annoying. i have to go to uncle walter to get it widened up before saturday. urghhh. and i love my new shoes! hee. (:
crapping over the phone with him makes me happy. (:
and thank you god,
my prayers were answered! he's a much much happier man today because he bowled a whole lot better. let him ace his rolloffs on sunday too! (: and let whatever family problems he might be having, disappear.
i think i found my comfortable swing too! :D but damnit...changing the thumbhole of my spareball just before doubles isnt a good idea. i'm doomed. my thumb keeps getting stucked. its annoying. i have to go to uncle walter to get it widened up before saturday. urghhh. and i love my new shoes! hee. (:
spin me silly, 1:31 AM.
