Monday, October 31, 2011
well, everyone has dreams, technically. everyone can visualize what they want for their future. whether it's the CEO of some MNC, or travelling the world in 100 days, or even just being happily married with 2 kids, with a roof over their heads and a dog to call their own.
staring at the middle aged people strolling on the streets, looking as though they have nothing important to do, i can't help but wonder if, 20 years down the line, i'll look back on my life and regret everything that i've done. Or that maybe, by the time i reach their age, i still haven't realized what my dreams are, and just live my whole life away without bigger dreams.
do i really not have a personality to call my own? do i always have to rely on someone to make me happy?
this can't do...my dreams are nothing but daydreams. i have dreams, but dreams without any motivation to achieve them, are well, just dreams that'll never realize. and for me? i'm still living that way. i don't have a particular dream i'd go all out and fight for, that i'd go all out to achieve it. i don't have that kinda motivation. i'm still searching for that one dream that'll give me the motivation to fight for it.
BUT, what if i never ever find it? will i be 50 then, looking back on my life, and wishing i did something now?
sighs.
food for thought. it's been a really long time since i did any soul searching anyways.
read an article about modern love earlier on. a paragraph i came across struck me.
"Maybe that’s why I clung to him in that particularly embarrassing way that young girls sometimes do, why I wanted so much for things to work out. Why I let myself turn into someone I didn’t really like when I was around him. Why I was willing to forgive his arriving hours late on the night he met my parents at a restaurant in New York."
the author described how i feel whenever i pause to look back on my relationship with tiac. what was it, that made me hold on, even if it meant losing my pride, losing who i am as a person, and having everyone think of me as an idiot? i'm amazed at myself for being able to do such foolish stuff, all in the name of love... but this is probably the first time and the last time i'll ever sacrifice all these for a guy, even if it's for love. like they always say, "once bitten, twice shy". thank you for the lesson. gotta learn to live for myself and what's best for me..
the earlier i can get over you, the better... then i wont keep having to think about a guy who doesn't love me anymore, a guy who couldn't wait to get rid of me because i was a burden in his life...everyday.
headache. time for bed.
staring at the middle aged people strolling on the streets, looking as though they have nothing important to do, i can't help but wonder if, 20 years down the line, i'll look back on my life and regret everything that i've done. Or that maybe, by the time i reach their age, i still haven't realized what my dreams are, and just live my whole life away without bigger dreams.
do i really not have a personality to call my own? do i always have to rely on someone to make me happy?
this can't do...my dreams are nothing but daydreams. i have dreams, but dreams without any motivation to achieve them, are well, just dreams that'll never realize. and for me? i'm still living that way. i don't have a particular dream i'd go all out and fight for, that i'd go all out to achieve it. i don't have that kinda motivation. i'm still searching for that one dream that'll give me the motivation to fight for it.
BUT, what if i never ever find it? will i be 50 then, looking back on my life, and wishing i did something now?
sighs.
food for thought. it's been a really long time since i did any soul searching anyways.
read an article about modern love earlier on. a paragraph i came across struck me.
"Maybe that’s why I clung to him in that particularly embarrassing way that young girls sometimes do, why I wanted so much for things to work out. Why I let myself turn into someone I didn’t really like when I was around him. Why I was willing to forgive his arriving hours late on the night he met my parents at a restaurant in New York."
the author described how i feel whenever i pause to look back on my relationship with tiac. what was it, that made me hold on, even if it meant losing my pride, losing who i am as a person, and having everyone think of me as an idiot? i'm amazed at myself for being able to do such foolish stuff, all in the name of love... but this is probably the first time and the last time i'll ever sacrifice all these for a guy, even if it's for love. like they always say, "once bitten, twice shy". thank you for the lesson. gotta learn to live for myself and what's best for me..
the earlier i can get over you, the better... then i wont keep having to think about a guy who doesn't love me anymore, a guy who couldn't wait to get rid of me because i was a burden in his life...everyday.
headache. time for bed.
spin me silly, 3:39 AM.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
party timee! i'm sickk but screw it!
gonna dress up as a witch and head down to butterfac with poly mates. been so long since i last hung out with them. whee! (:
i'm still the good girl anyways, its just that... after getting hurt over and over again, and being thrown away and feeling unwanted and useless over and over again, it's about time i take some time out and go wild once in awhile! (those who know me know my definition of wild is still mild only anyways.)
gonna enjoy my singlehood before the next potential boyfriend comes along and break my heart again. relationship to me now = whatever. i'm happier alone. it doesn't last anyway. and causes more tears than anything else... am too afraid to embrace anything close to love again. it's just, not wanting to put myself in all that kinda vulnerable shits again.
went to this costume shop with yiyong and 2 of his guy friends today (seriously i thought all his friends were female so i tagged along. lol) and there was this really cute little girl! she looks about age 2-3? and she kept staring at me straight in my eyes, and then grinned at me flirtatiously! LOL. so cutee! her little brother was crawling around the mat in the room as well..and he was so pinchable too! damn. babies are so cute. however, i don't think i wanna have my own for a very long time anyways, not in the next 5 years at least. :| seeing and playing with others' babies good enough. hahaha
time for bed!
gonna dress up as a witch and head down to butterfac with poly mates. been so long since i last hung out with them. whee! (:
i'm still the good girl anyways, its just that... after getting hurt over and over again, and being thrown away and feeling unwanted and useless over and over again, it's about time i take some time out and go wild once in awhile! (those who know me know my definition of wild is still mild only anyways.)
gonna enjoy my singlehood before the next potential boyfriend comes along and break my heart again. relationship to me now = whatever. i'm happier alone. it doesn't last anyway. and causes more tears than anything else... am too afraid to embrace anything close to love again. it's just, not wanting to put myself in all that kinda vulnerable shits again.
went to this costume shop with yiyong and 2 of his guy friends today (seriously i thought all his friends were female so i tagged along. lol) and there was this really cute little girl! she looks about age 2-3? and she kept staring at me straight in my eyes, and then grinned at me flirtatiously! LOL. so cutee! her little brother was crawling around the mat in the room as well..and he was so pinchable too! damn. babies are so cute. however, i don't think i wanna have my own for a very long time anyways, not in the next 5 years at least. :| seeing and playing with others' babies good enough. hahaha
time for bed!
spin me silly, 3:33 AM.
Friday, October 28, 2011
with each day, i shall get stronger!
yes you're still in my mind, many many times a day, but i've learnt to keep the good memories and let the bad ones go. i'm thankful for the happy times we've had over the past 6+ months. i'm thankful that we once had each other. i'm thankful you taught me what is loving without expecting anything in return.
it's 14 days to your sea games, jiayou. jiayou..
i hope you'll be able to gain more recognition for yourself in the Singapore bowling arena.
jiayou, ng tiac pin.
remember our pact when we broke up. i'll be watching. do me proud. one last time.
bedtime. less than 5 hours to sleep...
my life feels pretty empty these days and i dont really like it...mich still whatsapp me, but it isnt as much as before. she's busy. kor seldom too cause he's busy studying too. everyone's busy living their own lives. while i'm at home spamming shows, or in school for classes, or sleeping like a pig because i don't feel like doing anything else...neglecting my studies because i keep getting distracted by thoughts..
cant wait to go sit at the beach at night or just lie on some wooden planks on the water and just stare at the stars and the clouds go by again...its something that soothes' my mind and calms my soul.
till then... jiayou mel. jiayou! do the stuff that makes you happy. and stop binge eating! stop spamming bubble tea and candies and snacks just because you're unhappy! you're growing damn fat you fatass! ):
yes you're still in my mind, many many times a day, but i've learnt to keep the good memories and let the bad ones go. i'm thankful for the happy times we've had over the past 6+ months. i'm thankful that we once had each other. i'm thankful you taught me what is loving without expecting anything in return.
it's 14 days to your sea games, jiayou. jiayou..
i hope you'll be able to gain more recognition for yourself in the Singapore bowling arena.
jiayou, ng tiac pin.
remember our pact when we broke up. i'll be watching. do me proud. one last time.
bedtime. less than 5 hours to sleep...
my life feels pretty empty these days and i dont really like it...mich still whatsapp me, but it isnt as much as before. she's busy. kor seldom too cause he's busy studying too. everyone's busy living their own lives. while i'm at home spamming shows, or in school for classes, or sleeping like a pig because i don't feel like doing anything else...neglecting my studies because i keep getting distracted by thoughts..
cant wait to go sit at the beach at night or just lie on some wooden planks on the water and just stare at the stars and the clouds go by again...its something that soothes' my mind and calms my soul.
till then... jiayou mel. jiayou! do the stuff that makes you happy. and stop binge eating! stop spamming bubble tea and candies and snacks just because you're unhappy! you're growing damn fat you fatass! ):
spin me silly, 2:10 AM.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
21 days. i've survived three weeks of sadness. and at the same time, slowly learned to smile for myself again. (:
i love bowling. i am never gonna deny myself of bowling again, no matter how depressed i was over bowling because of the oh so mighty bowling god you and many others telling me how much i suck at it. i smile most genuinely while bowling. bonding with the newbies today was kinda fun. i mean, i had to go for training because none of the committee went. urgh.
which leads to why i'm still awake at this hour, TO DO MY ASSIGNMENT :( and only 2/3 done. i don't think i can write anymore. crap..
i'm so tired!!! drove again today. even drove to trade hub 21 one road down for mac donalds supper with the rest of the newbies and daryl and soonyong. lol.
time to sleep. thank you lee min ho aka goo jun pyo~! you're my distraction from all the nonsense in my head when i wake up every morning! this is why i love some of my korean dramas. dramas never fail to keep me occupied when i need them to...
it's been 3 weeks since i last saw you ng tiac pin... and it's less painful for me this way. i know you'd have probably gotten over me by now. but for now, i think it's better that i still keep some distance from you, just for now.. till i'm at least 85% over you. i'm probably hanging at around 50-60% now..
i love bowling. i am never gonna deny myself of bowling again, no matter how depressed i was over bowling because of the oh so mighty bowling god you and many others telling me how much i suck at it. i smile most genuinely while bowling. bonding with the newbies today was kinda fun. i mean, i had to go for training because none of the committee went. urgh.
which leads to why i'm still awake at this hour, TO DO MY ASSIGNMENT :( and only 2/3 done. i don't think i can write anymore. crap..
i'm so tired!!! drove again today. even drove to trade hub 21 one road down for mac donalds supper with the rest of the newbies and daryl and soonyong. lol.
time to sleep. thank you lee min ho aka goo jun pyo~! you're my distraction from all the nonsense in my head when i wake up every morning! this is why i love some of my korean dramas. dramas never fail to keep me occupied when i need them to...
it's been 3 weeks since i last saw you ng tiac pin... and it's less painful for me this way. i know you'd have probably gotten over me by now. but for now, i think it's better that i still keep some distance from you, just for now.. till i'm at least 85% over you. i'm probably hanging at around 50-60% now..
spin me silly, 4:33 AM.
Monday, October 24, 2011
it's been 20 days.
the worse 20 nights of my life when i'm in my room alone, reminiscing the past.
and i'm really tired.
i wanna move on from this. i want to..
thanks kor, for the wonderful company for the halloween event at sentosa last night, even though you were as chua sai as me. hahaha. i had fun nonetheless. and for the paranormal activity 3 movie as well. (:
thank you for being there to help me slowly get back on my feet. i really really appreciate it.
and li yu's also been really nice...i never knew so many people cared about me. thank god i've friends. i'm thankful that through this relationship, even though it failed, i gained a few new friends.
i feel like some lost sheep now.. and its not helping until i can steer myself back on course. seriously. come on mel, be stronger.
the worse 20 nights of my life when i'm in my room alone, reminiscing the past.
and i'm really tired.
i wanna move on from this. i want to..
thanks kor, for the wonderful company for the halloween event at sentosa last night, even though you were as chua sai as me. hahaha. i had fun nonetheless. and for the paranormal activity 3 movie as well. (:
thank you for being there to help me slowly get back on my feet. i really really appreciate it.
and li yu's also been really nice...i never knew so many people cared about me. thank god i've friends. i'm thankful that through this relationship, even though it failed, i gained a few new friends.
i feel like some lost sheep now.. and its not helping until i can steer myself back on course. seriously. come on mel, be stronger.
spin me silly, 2:04 AM.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
on the surface, i'm moving on with life. doing my own stuffs, hanging out with my own friends...
but underneath, i'm still missing what we had.
every morning, he's still the first thought on my mind when i wake up. it's become a habit over the past near 7 months.
i wake up every morning feeling upset and frustrated at my uncontrollable thoughts. blaming and hitting myself on the face for my stupidity.
i felt like i was merely a w the whole of the relationship. i really cannot rid of the feeling. probably because he seldom said "i love you" while we were together. and because of some of the things i did..
and he's really being an asshole now. like seriously. hello come on, i know it's impossible between us already. but if we're gonna continue to be friends, and i'm still gonna see you around, then REPLY ALREADY. even friends reply one another. shit you. i'm actually pissed more than i'm hurt. =(
15th day since we broke up...and he's forgotten about me totally already. i wonder how long i'm gonna take to heal from all the hurt. </3
i wish i weren't so emotionally inclined sometimes. how nice it is to be heartless. then i wouldn't hurt...
cried at home before league today. literally cried. i think picking up my bowling ball after 14 days... was probably stressful too. bowling reminds me of him, yet it's my love too.. it's a dilemma. and i'm bowling like shit still...
i keep crying these days..
and happy 11th birthday cousin justin... it's your first birthday without your dad around anymore.. i hope you'll learn to be happy on your own. (reminds self to print a photo for justin. a photo of his dad and him..while his dad was first diagnosed with cancer. still looking healthy then though.. found it in my computer while doing my project the other day)
but underneath, i'm still missing what we had.
every morning, he's still the first thought on my mind when i wake up. it's become a habit over the past near 7 months.
i wake up every morning feeling upset and frustrated at my uncontrollable thoughts. blaming and hitting myself on the face for my stupidity.
i felt like i was merely a w the whole of the relationship. i really cannot rid of the feeling. probably because he seldom said "i love you" while we were together. and because of some of the things i did..
and he's really being an asshole now. like seriously. hello come on, i know it's impossible between us already. but if we're gonna continue to be friends, and i'm still gonna see you around, then REPLY ALREADY. even friends reply one another. shit you. i'm actually pissed more than i'm hurt. =(
15th day since we broke up...and he's forgotten about me totally already. i wonder how long i'm gonna take to heal from all the hurt. </3
i wish i weren't so emotionally inclined sometimes. how nice it is to be heartless. then i wouldn't hurt...
cried at home before league today. literally cried. i think picking up my bowling ball after 14 days... was probably stressful too. bowling reminds me of him, yet it's my love too.. it's a dilemma. and i'm bowling like shit still...
i keep crying these days..
and happy 11th birthday cousin justin... it's your first birthday without your dad around anymore.. i hope you'll learn to be happy on your own. (reminds self to print a photo for justin. a photo of his dad and him..while his dad was first diagnosed with cancer. still looking healthy then though.. found it in my computer while doing my project the other day)
spin me silly, 1:45 AM.
Monday, October 17, 2011
</3
13th day since we broke up.
13th day since we broke up.
spin me silly, 2:48 AM.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
somehow, tumblr's photographs with quotes makes it easier for me to reblog my actual feelings these days.
will be shifting over to reblogging photos for a few days.
in the mornings i'm pretty fine, till night falls...when i'm alone in my room, the silence, the loneliness, the memories along with reality all comes back to haunt me.
will be shifting over to reblogging photos for a few days.
in the mornings i'm pretty fine, till night falls...when i'm alone in my room, the silence, the loneliness, the memories along with reality all comes back to haunt me.
spin me silly, 12:14 AM.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
好想你。但我也在慢慢接受事实。
i know you'll never be mine again. i've given my best for this relationship. but it takes 2 to clap, and you're never gonna clap back because you don't love me that much...
i just wish that someday, my heart will slowly learn to let you go...
not texting you doesn't mean that i haven't missed you today...i missed. i really did. i even wonder whether you already started night classes today, whether you managed to grab dinner before heading to class etc etc. i'm such an idiot...it's not like you ever think about me anymore :'(
dinner with larry today. had aoba ramen at ion. lol. he's an emo kid too. i think we both need positive people in our lives.. and we ended up walking from orchard to plaza singapura again, only to have gong cha close in our faces :(
urghhh. mister heartless one, i miss you alot you know? :'(
like... alot...
its been a week since we broke up... i haven't seen you since then. sighs...
time to sleep and stop emo-ing. i really need those dreams of us being happy together like the good old days to stop haunting me... i wake up wanting to slap myself everyday when i realized it isn't real.
come on mel. stop it. stop thinking!!! just get down to studying and doing your IS project already! go think of your own business plans and routes in life too! stop it!
i know you'll never be mine again. i've given my best for this relationship. but it takes 2 to clap, and you're never gonna clap back because you don't love me that much...
i just wish that someday, my heart will slowly learn to let you go...
not texting you doesn't mean that i haven't missed you today...i missed. i really did. i even wonder whether you already started night classes today, whether you managed to grab dinner before heading to class etc etc. i'm such an idiot...it's not like you ever think about me anymore :'(
dinner with larry today. had aoba ramen at ion. lol. he's an emo kid too. i think we both need positive people in our lives.. and we ended up walking from orchard to plaza singapura again, only to have gong cha close in our faces :(
urghhh. mister heartless one, i miss you alot you know? :'(
like... alot...
its been a week since we broke up... i haven't seen you since then. sighs...
time to sleep and stop emo-ing. i really need those dreams of us being happy together like the good old days to stop haunting me... i wake up wanting to slap myself everyday when i realized it isn't real.
come on mel. stop it. stop thinking!!! just get down to studying and doing your IS project already! go think of your own business plans and routes in life too! stop it!
spin me silly, 3:01 AM.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
i love my godbrother kok! (:
hahaha. thanks kor!
first you conned me into going for foot reflexology with you,
and then it was study session at your place,
and then dinner with your family and grace,
and then a good htht session. lying on the wooden floating platform, looking up at the moon, feeling the breeze... talking about relationships, about life, about dreams, about pasts...
i'm sorry i cried for awhile again. i know he isn't worth my tears...i just need some time to move on...
and i enjoyed the old school karaoke session. jeff chan ftw! LOL.
seeing chiewpang and grace so happy together and seeing that his family already treats her like their own daughter, i'm pretty envious!! it's like the best relationships are those whereby both families have recognized each others' halves and welcome them to join in the family activities. they'll go a long long way together (:
monday's over. 6 straight hours of lectures tomorrow. oh boy :(
finding dinner kaki for tomorrow!!!
hahaha. thanks kor!
first you conned me into going for foot reflexology with you,
and then it was study session at your place,
and then dinner with your family and grace,
and then a good htht session. lying on the wooden floating platform, looking up at the moon, feeling the breeze... talking about relationships, about life, about dreams, about pasts...
i'm sorry i cried for awhile again. i know he isn't worth my tears...i just need some time to move on...
and i enjoyed the old school karaoke session. jeff chan ftw! LOL.
seeing chiewpang and grace so happy together and seeing that his family already treats her like their own daughter, i'm pretty envious!! it's like the best relationships are those whereby both families have recognized each others' halves and welcome them to join in the family activities. they'll go a long long way together (:
monday's over. 6 straight hours of lectures tomorrow. oh boy :(
finding dinner kaki for tomorrow!!!
spin me silly, 2:01 AM.
Monday, October 10, 2011
sunburnt. painful shits!
it's been like damn long since i last got sunburnt! :(
but swimming with jas edd and kor was pretty relaxing. took my mind off stuffs for awhile..
edd's so sweet to jas. i'm so envious!
meeting jiehui, whom i havent seen since my first 3 mths in jc (YES, when i was 17), for breakfast tomorrow! :P
i resisted the urge to text him today ='( cause he didnt reply my message yesterday.
but i'm still gonna cheer him on and support him all the way, even if it's merely the status of a friend and not a girlfriend anymore... jiayou tiac. jiayou tiac. 33 days more. please perform well in the SEA games. part of your future depends on this..
it's been like damn long since i last got sunburnt! :(
but swimming with jas edd and kor was pretty relaxing. took my mind off stuffs for awhile..
edd's so sweet to jas. i'm so envious!
meeting jiehui, whom i havent seen since my first 3 mths in jc (YES, when i was 17), for breakfast tomorrow! :P
i resisted the urge to text him today ='( cause he didnt reply my message yesterday.
but i'm still gonna cheer him on and support him all the way, even if it's merely the status of a friend and not a girlfriend anymore... jiayou tiac. jiayou tiac. 33 days more. please perform well in the SEA games. part of your future depends on this..
spin me silly, 1:38 AM.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
my heart hurts. it still does.
it doesn't help that the places kor brought me to today, are all related to us.
east coast park, where we once had fun with photobooth app while sitting on the rocks exactly 7 months ago..
marina square carpark, where you asked me to be your gf. the exact same carpark spot...
being in these places today and thinking back, i was near tears...
it didn't help that you didn't reply my encouraging text...i guess you're really trying to write me off your life..
dear God, please lessen my pain. please let all this pain go away. i never knew i could hurt so bad.
thanks li yan, jas, edd, kor for the day out today...
real steel was good and took my mind off stuffs for awhile.
roller blading was tiring but still enjoyable overall.
it doesn't help that the places kor brought me to today, are all related to us.
east coast park, where we once had fun with photobooth app while sitting on the rocks exactly 7 months ago..
marina square carpark, where you asked me to be your gf. the exact same carpark spot...
being in these places today and thinking back, i was near tears...
it didn't help that you didn't reply my encouraging text...i guess you're really trying to write me off your life..
dear God, please lessen my pain. please let all this pain go away. i never knew i could hurt so bad.
thanks li yan, jas, edd, kor for the day out today...
real steel was good and took my mind off stuffs for awhile.
roller blading was tiring but still enjoyable overall.
spin me silly, 2:43 AM.
Friday, October 7, 2011
:'(
can it stop raining please? i'm dying here. everytime it rains, i cry too.
i miss him loads. i really really do.
i wish he'd just call me one day and told me he wanted us to try everything together again.
but i know that'll never happen.
i know his character too well...
cansomebodypleasestopthesetears.
can it stop raining please? i'm dying here. everytime it rains, i cry too.
i miss him loads. i really really do.
i wish he'd just call me one day and told me he wanted us to try everything together again.
but i know that'll never happen.
i know his character too well...
cansomebodypleasestopthesetears.
spin me silly, 6:18 PM.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
好想好想他。
我们的缘分真的只能到这里吗？
好不甘心，真的。
因为，我的心还在他那里。。。
我虽然没说，但我会一直默默爱他，默默支持他。就算他已经不爱我了。
我完蛋了。。
救命。。。 ='（
我们的缘分真的只能到这里吗？
好不甘心，真的。
因为，我的心还在他那里。。。
我虽然没说，但我会一直默默爱他，默默支持他。就算他已经不爱我了。
我完蛋了。。
救命。。。 ='（
spin me silly, 2:43 AM.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
and the story ends...
i let him go. i let him fly.
if our r/s was so stressful on him till the extend it affected his bowling...its time to let him go.
goodbye tiac.
i love you and i always will.
i let him go. i let him fly.
if our r/s was so stressful on him till the extend it affected his bowling...its time to let him go.
goodbye tiac.
i love you and i always will.
spin me silly, 2:53 AM.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
dear drove us to queensway for lunch today. had a simple laksa and curry chicken then walked around queensway, but it got so boring...seeing that he was so tired and that his legs seem to hurt him after gym yesterday, we decided to head back to his place and just watch shows and sleep.
slept like a pig again!!! tried to help him lessen the pain on his legs by massaging them for him, but... hmm.. seems like they still hurt pretty bad..seeing that he was wincing away. and he's been in a sian sian mode these 2 days, i dont know why! :(
he taking revenge on me uh!! because i was unwell and replied him in sian sian mode half the week :(
sighs, dear doesnt wanna eat with my parents. i guess he's not ready yet, even though my parents only meant it as a celebratory meal for him for getting into SEA games squad. oh well, shan't force him...
dont know what's going on in dear's head these days, missing the sweeter and more nonsense him lo! he's been so uptight lately. impending SEA games stress? hmm..
i cant wait for his games to end... only then can i ask to go on proper FUN dates man.. the past month has become such a routine that it's getting terrible :( i think he's feeling it too. its making me wonder whether we're right for each other in the long run.. :((
oh well..
i'm keeping my fingers crossed for one of kok's and tiac's friend. hope he gets what he wants.
slept like a pig again!!! tried to help him lessen the pain on his legs by massaging them for him, but... hmm.. seems like they still hurt pretty bad..seeing that he was wincing away. and he's been in a sian sian mode these 2 days, i dont know why! :(
he taking revenge on me uh!! because i was unwell and replied him in sian sian mode half the week :(
sighs, dear doesnt wanna eat with my parents. i guess he's not ready yet, even though my parents only meant it as a celebratory meal for him for getting into SEA games squad. oh well, shan't force him...
dont know what's going on in dear's head these days, missing the sweeter and more nonsense him lo! he's been so uptight lately. impending SEA games stress? hmm..
i cant wait for his games to end... only then can i ask to go on proper FUN dates man.. the past month has become such a routine that it's getting terrible :( i think he's feeling it too. its making me wonder whether we're right for each other in the long run.. :((
oh well..
i'm keeping my fingers crossed for one of kok's and tiac's friend. hope he gets what he wants.
spin me silly, 9:56 PM.
