Tuesday, February 28, 2012

my primary school friend who used to sit beside me in primary 5, choo jia wei, has passed away...
i still remember the days i used to dread sitting beside him after PE lessons, mass runs or recesses..because everytime he sweat, he'd have this smell...
i still remember one time in english lesson, while the PETS coursebook (audio) was going on in class, and the story was about Medusa and how much her lair stank...i covered my nose with my PETS coursebook because i smelled something weird from my partner...and Miss Lye asked me, "Melissa, you are THAT into the story?" I quickly removed my book in embarrassment...and never forgot that incident since...

jia wei, even though we haven't talked since primary school days, rest in peace...God bless you.

life's fragility. it's like God's trying to remind us of how precious and unpredictable life is...
how someone you know, may not be there tomorrow... reminding us to treasure the people we have...
and i had this thought. "knowing life's unpredictability and how things may change tomorrow, who do i wanna spend today with?"
and somehow you crossed my mind. and this brings my confusion to a whole new level.. D:
how can you even like someone who's not your type! will these kinda feelings last for long? or is it temporary? :(

sighs. i've lost 2 primary school friends already..out of my class of 40...
Paul Wai, take care of Jia Wei in heaven...i hope you're doing fine up there too..

spin me silly, 2:54 AM.

i think guoyuan misunderstood me...
but i think i shall leave it at that...
because i don't know what i can offer on my part also.

super unproductive day. sighs.

spin me silly, 2:11 AM.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

went timbre with mich and guoyuan ytd night.
then afterwhich, heading down to neverland to find calvin who was emo-ing. tiac was there too..
my first time in a thai pub, honestly speaking, was a culture shock! half of the performers look like transvestites..guoyuan was driving, so he didn't drink much. calvin and tiac kept making me play cai quan with them...i kept losing to them, especially tiac who made me play it in THAI.
(5 = ha, 10 = sip, 15 = sip ha, 20 = yi sip!! wthh!!!) plus i had to ta for guoyuan.. ended up drinking..almost 4 cups of beer, 1 cup of chivas (or was it 1.5 cups??), a few mouthfuls of martell (it was disgusting), beer + sprite, plus the cocktail i had earlier on at timbre... that was good enough to make my head feel like a banana split. never felt so tipsy in my life. like i have a brain that weighs like a bowling ball?! lol. plus i couldn't walk straight..no matter how i kept insisting that i could..so i ended up staying over at guoyuan's...(can't be going home in that state :( )

and shit. i vaguely remember ME, using his arms as a pillow for my faceeeee D: i have nowhere to throw my face already...why the hell did i do that?!?! am i already at that comfort level with him?! i really don't know. i apologized though. i believed 3/4 of it was due to the influence of alcohol... the other 1/4, well.... i don't know. :( fml, what happened to me...

then woke up with eyeliner smudged and all and headed home to bathe before going down to fetch lydia and kenneth for lunch at victor's kitchen and wan tou seh! daniel joined us. yummmmmyyy. then went ECP, and it started raining heavily...took refuge at marine bowl cause we couldn't cycle in that weather. epic sian. ended up bowling with a houseball. best part is? i bowl with houseball, also bowl 120+ nia, kenneth beat me and guoyuan. LOL. epic sians. i don't ever wanna bowl with houseball houseshoes again. i almost fell cause i couldn't even slide with those shoes! like jam brake and ball dropped off hand (cause too oily plus holes too big).. -_-""

okay. 11.53pm liao. time to mug till at least 2+, 3am... :( to cover up for all the studying i didn't do this weekend... urghhhh...

spin me silly, 11:41 PM.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

surprised guoyuan and ally and auntie with lao ban dou hua at 8+pm today! (:
and ally loved it. lol. so did guoyuan (:
and i think guoyuan CANNOT learn the piano piece luh! surprisingly, his powerful FAT arms for bowling...seems pretty retarded on the piano! LOL. hahahaha. buay tahan!

thanks mum and dad, who dropped me off at guoyuan's place.
i can't believe auntie (guoyuan's mum) asked me if my mum is my sister :( do i look that old?
then she exclaimed "why does she look so young?"
liyan replied, "mum you know why? because she's skinny."
TROLLOLOLOL. lol!!! auntie suddenly looked so crestfallen. hahaha!

okay. omg. 1.20am. STUDYYYYYYY.
and kns. guoyuan say he's gonna ignore me, and he really did cause i said "ignore ignore lo. see who cmi first". WHUT?! :(

whatever! MUGGGGGGGG TIME.
Network Analysis, I'm SO gonna pawn you NOW!

spin me silly, 1:16 AM.

Friday, February 24, 2012

On this day of your life, Melissa, we believe God wants you to know ... that your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Even as the shell of the seed must break, that its heart may grow into a tree, so must you know pain.

i've already come face to face with pain. and its been long enough...
let the pain go away quickly....onegaishimasu. chebal... :(

now playing: suteki da ne (violin and piano)...the melody is kinda heartwrenching yet beautiful..

spin me silly, 2:24 AM.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

i'll never date a fatty. cannot. nevers!
i realized that with every boyfriend i go through, they get FATTER AND FATTER. ohmytians, what a trend? lol.
first it was eugene with awesome tanned 6 packs, standing at 1.65m. lol. then kh with a tanned mini belly, standing at 1.68m, then tp with a slightly bigger white belly, standing at 1.66m. it seems like i'm cursed with the 1.6+m ranged guys. aside from that, i'm already 1.6m, and it doesnt help that they are getting fatter! ohmytians.
BREAK THE CURSE MELLLLLLLL. or by the time i turn 30, i'd be marrying some epic short, fat and white ass, the total opposite of my average height, lean and tanned sporty guy!!!
THIS IS SO NOT GOOD. D:
see. maths taught us how to read patterns. and so i read the patterns. and the patterns suck! :(
eeeeeyer!!!

jiu ming ah!
and omggg, my friend's ring is 1.28 carats D: SO LUCKY.
okay. been shopping the whole day with mum and sis. bought like a whole lot of la senza's and cotton on's and a mango work dress and camisoles from forever 21. :D
time to lose weight!!!
am so not gonna lose to huang guoyuan. i shall reach 45kg!!! thats 4+kg away.
wthh. how am i gonna reach it... :( i was 48 this time last year lo. so sad. :(

time to hit the books.

spin me silly, 11:48 PM.

:( o.m.g. L O L?!?!?!
is this actually jealousy!?
the feeling isn't all that good. such sourness.. lol...
hellooooo, why did i even feel a tiny weeny tinge of it?! it's not supposed to happen?! -_-"
why is it everytime she's mentioned i feel kinda : (
but wah laos. please like mel, you can't be so evil.. people sick you still liddat.
*hits self on the head*
hope she gets home and rest well...
nothing to worry about cause she's in safe hands. (: :( i feel like i have a temporary split personality. hahaha...
fish. why will i feel like this?!
brush it off mel, brush it OFF!!!

htht-ing with koi koi on whatsapp since an hour ago. looks like acca is really really hard to pass.
pros and cons i guess. but i think.. for the experience, she should go for it, but not for mainstay, probably for a year? it's really an opportunity. then again...

sighs. and you ah you, stop all contact with the kid le please...i really don't want you to be hurt again...why put yourself through such pain? the pain of being treated like a spare tyre. free then come and find you, not free then bo chup you. need help with schoolwork then SOS you.. please, save your heart girl :( don't end up like the stupid me 4 months ago... sighs. :'(

i wish i knew how to save hearts.
and woohoo, another of my friend just got proposed to, an hour ago, and the bling bling looks like its from tiffany's! :O so lucky! lol.

spin me silly, 12:31 AM.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

thanks for the motivation.
bowled one of my shittiest first games in a league. felt epic sad. but thankfully for my teammates feitangyuan, vincent and allan who cheered me up on the spot, i picked up my game. still, i guess it wasn't enough... oh well, gotta try harder next time.

kinda felt a little disappointed that he wasn't there. why sia?! fk. this is something i shouldn't be feeling. cause it'd only mean i'm gonna be overly dependent on another person again. and it's really the last thing i want, the last thing i need now.
whatever, i'm brushing the disappointment away. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK AT ALL.
i love being single now! no commitments, no nothing...just me myself and i.

vincente kor told me to give him my heart for safekeeping, cause he thinks i'd fall in love easily and hurt myself all over again. which i hope doesn't happen. because i'm happy now. genuinely happy, unlike when i was in a relationship last year. the most painful one yet because it was mostly one sided.

okay enough of the past...you were simple "the one that got away".
seeing all my friends settling down, discussing marriage, BTO-ing, ROM-ing... has gotten me thinking. i certainly don't feel like settling down anytime soon eh...much less having kids, dealing with income taxes, bills, house maintenance fees etc...i just wanna be this way! oh crap.
:( i think i've given up on love totally. lol.
it's so cliche that the song playing on my playlist now is going... "we found love in a hopeless place~~~~we found love in a hopeless place~~~"

it certainly feels hopeless now.

sians.

spin me silly, 1:35 AM.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

gahhh.
was i wrong to have cooked for guoyuan?
i don't know. i just wanted to cook. but looks like everyone's scolding me for it, saying i'm sending the wrong signals... but the thing is, i am really thankful that he's always been there for me...and i bet he must have been hungry after work as he came to find me immediately after work ended.. so...
my mind is in such a confused state right now.
why am i doing all these?
i was gonna say cause its for a best friend, but..then again, i've never cooked for yiyong, have i?! fml.

i believe...in being nice to others, if they have been good to me...
but is what i'm doing really wrong?
i shouldn't do anything anymore while i'm still confused myself right?
sighs. mum and dad asks about him like everyday leh. shit it, i feel like i'm screwing up my own life currently. getting into all these shits.

snacking at 1am in the morning. i'm sucha goner.

can you really love someone if you haven't fully gotten over the past or someone else? no right? and love's sucha...strong word to use. i'm so so so confused... :'(

i'm gonna fail my exams at the rate i'm studying.
absorption rate: 20%

spin me silly, 12:49 AM.

Monday, February 20, 2012

how do i help her? :'(
i saw the plaster. i saw where it was placed at. and i really don't know what i can do. this feeling sucks..chk, stop haunting her already. k n n.

remy, i'm so disappointed with your behaviour, really. i mean, just admit that you knocked that dog down already. as long as it wasn't deliberate, just confess. the dog was jay walking on the roads anyways, so unless you saw it and decide to run it down still, why can't you just admit your mistake?! stop running away yeah?
still, i think the people who hate you are all out to get you now... the people you have offended in the past. otherwise, articles with such hatred wouldn't have surfaced on facebook one after another... each a tad worse than the other..
hopefully you'll find a way to save your own ass. i say this with a neutral stand..

"dear remy, thank you for being my childhood idol. and now, it's about time i grew up."

went for jas' surprise birthday party at edd's house. edd and his planning. lols!
while over at edd's, i heard t talking to xf about some girl, and yeah, somehow, the feeling sucked. i cant put it in words, but the feeling i was feeling? 2 words. fucked up.
how much have i gotten over him if i can still feel this way?! fugggg. REALLY. FUCK.
i'm so pissed off with myself. :'(

after which we headed back to guoyuan's place. nua-ed on his "cotton castle" bed...till liyan came in and we taught her how to play dai dee. lol! she's a fast learner!
then auntie and siming came home from lunch, and invited us along to one degree fifteen. :D
so the 4 of us did some planking and chatting along the yachts till it was dark, then headed for dinner. my second treat at one degree fifteen from auntie already! :X
all in all, it was still an awesome day, (: less the fucked up moment i felt when i heard t talk about the girl. :'(

happy birthday jas. stay happy. i'm so envious you found someone who loves you that much. and hope that someday, when i've gotten over everything, that it'd be my turn too. no more hurt, no more lies, no more nonsense from the men we loved. (:

spin me silly, 12:45 AM.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

On this day of your life, Melissa, we believe God wants you to know ... that it's important to listen to your gut.
Reason has its place in this world, certainly. But your gut is that subconscious part of yourself that knows exactly what is right for you.

lol. really? gut. i wonder where my gut is now!

my girlfriend is crying inside. i feel her. but i don't know what i can do for her... :( dear god, how can i help her treasure life more? how do i tell her that...life's way better than what she feels it's like now? storms pass, and rainbows can be seen thereafter... but it's the stormy days that are hard to go through...persevere my dear...hold on. don't give up...the rainbows are worth waiting for.

trying hard to try to get back into the studying mode. gahhs.
drinking awful ling yang now. really huang guoyuan, don't even buy me ling yang again. its d.i.s.g.u.s.t.i.n.g!!!

and its ironic. that my parents keep trying to matchmake me to you...yet you troll me on my tweet still. wins. i really feel very frustrated on my side already. :( i wish they would stop pushing me, because i'm not ready for anything now. not when i still feel kind upset over the last r/s. fml. seriously, mum? dad? i love you both, and remember what you said about wanting me to be single for a year to see things through first? yes, i really intend to do that! if you both think that i can easily get over a r/s. it totally meant that i wasn't serious about the previous relationship in the first place, but no mum, no dad, your daughter isn't like that. she was serious about the last relationship, and the one before that too :( so please, stop asking me why i'm not going out with him all the time yeah? sighs. this feeling is terrible. :'(

spin me silly, 1:39 AM.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

L O L. texting a drunk friend is epic funny. so gonna blackmail him tomorrow. *saves convo. screenshot* hahaha!!!

sleeeeeep! (:

spin me silly, 3:32 AM.

i thought he understood me. but..now i'm not so sure.
sighs. i feel so.... z z z...
sighs. my mind is in a whirl. seriously...

okay, not that productive in terms of studying today. gonna start reading my notes again...
or my friends are gonna be 10,000 light years away from me :(
which they already are. sighs.
i'm always the one left behind, the lagger. every time. come on buck up mel! gotta catch up~! :(

i need my bubble tea fix! after exercising i guess. time to get some exercise in order...

things to pick up after exams. my rusty guitar, :( and GOLF!! gonna pick it up with bestie! we decided. haha. :D

spin me silly, 12:47 AM.

Friday, February 17, 2012

supper with guoyuan. selegie taohueyyyy! (:
and we never stopped chatting again.. wins.
had a talk with mum with regards to a few things going on in my life now.
and i realize i need to know what i want outta the next relationship before i ever commit myself to another one.
and i'm not ready for one either. singlehood ftw for now..and there are just too many factors to consider. many will say "don't care what others think, as long as you're happy." for me, life doesn't work this way. no way.

gah almost fell off my chair while typing this. lol.

On this day of your life, Melissa, we believe God wants you to know ... that miracles aren't always big. If you spend all your time looking for big miracles, you're likely to miss a lot of the little ones; finding your keys when you need them, getting the right medicine for an illness, arriving home safely. God is giving you little miracles all the time. The more you look for them, the more you will see.

teaching me to appreciate everything i have. (: i love this fb app.
most of the small miracles in my life are brought about by family and friends. thank you people. (:

back to dream high 2! then to bed!
saw an awesome dress i like..the colors are so pretty! but i guess i better slim down before i even attempt to get anything like this. yes, i have fat arms. that comment's gonna stick to me and be my motivation to trim it.

sorry. but life this way is better for me now. i'm happy the way i am. and in the short term, no i don't think everything will be back to normal. maybe next time, but definitely not now...all my best wishes to you and everything you undertake too. it's for the best. hi bye friends for now..i don't hate you, but i don't love you as a friend anymore too.. so hi bye friends is really, just the best option for both for now...thank you for the letter..

spin me silly, 1:36 AM.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

and i tried to tell you i know...because you said to let the person know.
little did you know it was you? :(

oh well, this little secret's gonna be kept for awhile longer. because i never want things to change. i love things the way they are now. let it continue for awhile longer before any decision changes stuffs forever.

and damnit, the gel air freshener isn't gelling!!! wasted 2 jars and 70 drops of precious lemongrass essential oil. :(

time to sleep. i really can't sleep without my aircon. shucks. so sad.

spin me silly, 3:39 AM.

lol. the best whatsapp group chat of my life till date.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.

she really contacted him! and she was dating him in both our dreams! L O L!!!
this is really too coincidental. didn't help that we were dreaming of the same person on the same night. the guy whom she was with, couldn't take it that he was her bf too. L O L.

yay! tim sum and l4d soon! CANT WAIT. wooooo!!!! :D

spin me silly, 1:28 AM.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

<3 thank you my 2 awesome valentines. (:
it was a starry night out albeit the cramps going on in my stomach. thank goodness it was more bearable than the one that went on in class.

i finally got to see lefty and konan! <3

like what i quoted to guoyuan, in my vday scrabble tag to him.

Don't mind criticism. If it is untrue, disregard it. If unfair, keep from irritation. If it is ignorant, smile. If it is justified, learn from it.

peace to the world. there are some stuff the naked eye cannot see, and i'm simply thankful for the people and the loved ones i still have and whom i believe in. (:
being true to myself and to the ones i love, is more important to me than anything else.

a little bit sad i didn't get to go to the beach to see the stars today. :( the sky was crystal clear! the stars were in abundance...the light breeze, perfect. oh well, saving it for another night. (:

popping my pink panadol.
goodnite world!
gonna drag myself to school by 11am tomorrow!! which means... 930 outta bed. GAHHHH. :( okay sleep.

spin me silly, 3:11 AM.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

fuck. my hands are trembling. i cant even cut paper properly with my scissors.
no tears on the papers, no tears on the papers, or the ink will seep.

sorry i can't go down to my poolside and find you gy. i'm sorry you even came all the way down.
urgh. feel like running away from all these drama. back to when my life was simple. i have no wish to live through the period of my crescent girls' school life again. but once again, it's happening.

time to put a password on my blog.

spin me silly, 1:25 AM.

fucked up start to vday.
i'm sorry E. you must have been looking forward to your first vday after years of singlehood.
i'm sorry. to even be one of the small reasons leading to it.

suddenly no mood to continue making the gifts for mich and guoyuan...
was making a homemade lemongrass air freshener for guoyuan just now because his car has 3 cockroaches that appeared out of nowhere in 2 days.. heard lemongrass will actually chase the cockroaches away...

spin me silly, 12:20 AM.

Monday, February 13, 2012

and so, everything was a misunderstanding? why did you tell me that you never said it?
i took your word for it...cause after all, you're the only one i believed wholeheartedly. :(

urgh just kill me. pms plus aching everywhere plus never study plus not enough time to finish vday gifts plus forgot to even buy some of the materials plus a headache. now plus this. fml.

throwing my phone away till i finish half the gifts.
i need more time more time!!! :'(

spin me silly, 4:30 PM.

am i growing on to you? D:

spin me silly, 1:16 PM.

leave me alone.
seriously, i don't know how you do it.

spin me silly, 12:53 PM.

spin me silly, 4:20 AM.

"休息是為了走更長的路
你就是我的旅途
都是因為你我一直漫步

想要跟你一起走到最後
但我遺失了地圖
誰給誰束縛誰比誰辛苦
愛到深處才會領悟

好的事情最後雖然結束
感動十分就有十分滿足
謝謝你是你陪我走過那些路
痛是以後無法再給你幸福

好的事情也許能夠重複
感動時分就算紛紛模糊
不要哭至少你和我記得很清楚
愛是為彼此祝福。。。。 "

awake at 3:03am...
still trying to think how to decorate or even get those stuffs!!! :'( DILEMMA.
9 pin tap was awesome today. (: thanks clarence, daryl, guoyuan. i had fun (:
and it was the first time i actually bought pin 7 on myself! LOL. lucky that i broke even. :X

...and, i know what you did last summer. yup, this time it was all too easy. and that's it, i'm done.
thank you one oh three.
dad's right. i should know who to keep in my life, and who to keep outta it. keep the ones that makes you happy, release the ones who makes you sad, the one who makes your pretty and simple picture of the world, disappear.

sighs. stupid song above. :( was on youtube and suddenly opened the playlist of songs i created...of the songs we loved, while i was staying over at your place, a couple of months ago. fml!! pms = emo gao = help ='( this is really not helping mans. for me to feel this way, probably means there's still a little part of me that hasn't gotten over us, the part where reality isn't a factor considered, isn't it? when will i really really let you go totally? urgh. oh well, till then...
i really can't let anyone else in at the moment...

4.20am.
still debating what to do for the two people who've made my life an easier one the past few months...
ARGHHHH. DILEMMAAAAAAAAAAA. D:
ahhh sleeeeeeeeeep first then say D: D: D: !!

spin me silly, 3:03 AM.

Friday, February 10, 2012

i lied. i did know who the "he" was.
and yet i chose to go with him rather than stick with the "he".
i wonder what my dreams were telling me...

and why the hell did i dream of M!? i don't even know her personally!!! I even had a bitch fest with her. L O L.

dreams.
the opposite of reality or do they tell us what we subconsciously wish for? :( if it's the latter, i am so screwed.

see. once again reinstating my point on why i shouldn't have researched on fb, for photos to use for gifts, just before i slept last night :( that has to be how everything came about. the videos, the photos...

and i dreamt of this crazy cab uncle trying to con me...seriously.. $280 for cab fare from river valley to my house? lol!!! and each jump in the taxi meter was $3, every 5 seconds. haha!!

okay. time to get ready for checkup :( chose the wrong time to go for it, honestly. should have chosen like end feb instead.

spin me silly, 10:31 AM.

great. i had to go look for photos on facebook to do up my vday gifts...
and i unknowingly scrolled till the kbox video we had on 3 march 2011...
the elmo family photos, everything...
so many things have changed, and it's been less than a year.
='( emo melly.

urgh. come on mans. mel, this year, no more repeat of last year. you've become stronger, you've realized your self worth. stop settling for people who treat you like dirt, then again, don't date someone just because they treat you like a princess too...

effing emo siaaaa... ='((

ah fuggggg. time for bed. got annual medical appointment at 12.30pm later. it's like a yearly follow up after my surgery in July 2009...hopefully everything is as per normal...
=( then gotta walk around orchard myself to get mum's present....

okay. 3.08am already, time for bed.

hopefully it'll be a good friday for a girl friend of mine who's been having a bad bad week, with work and all...i hope she'll have more things to make her smile today. (:

and yuan yuan, hoping he'll have a safe day boat trip! L O L.

spin me silly, 2:53 AM.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

so so tired. i'm not even half done with my spreadsheet assignment. why, why didn't i do it straight after class in november! i can't even remember anything now!!! :((
发买来！！！

went for a swim upon waking up today, cause the sun was just simply too awesome. (:
and then went to ikea to buy some art and crafts stuff as well as meatballs and chicken wings! was so tempted to eat the smoke salmon too, but siaoo.. one person eat so much, waste money plus lower utility only. :( boos.
and when i finally thought i can lose some weight.. what am i thinking of right now while i do my excel spreadsheet?
MATCHA BUBBLE TEA frm Tea12! D: i'm so never gonna lose weight..(so gonna buy it tmr. :( )
sighs God, same logic. "if you can't make me skinny, at least remember to make my closer friends fat, okay?" hahaha. :X

went to look for kok for rocher tau huey supper after dinner at night. lol. but we were too full to even eat, thanks to the different dinners we had. and he..asked me if i had any plans on, on the 14th... should i,

1) crash yy's msm class from 7-10pm?

2) go find my one and only adorable boyfriend, lefty? liddat maybe can eat dinner with michelle too! and of course with kok toooooo. liddat everyone happy. no? hahaha. (: then i'll buy doggy cupcakes from vivo for lefty! (:

3) just stay home or mug in school. vday is just such a wrong day to go out. especially if i am happy being single for now. the last thing i need is to see couples on the street and just feel out of place...

okay i really cant do this stupid spreadsheet anymore. my computer keeps giving me errors everytime i click on something on the spreadsheet! ARGHHHH!!!!! enough for one night! :'( :'(

spin me silly, 3:55 AM.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

-.-
ended up catching up with poly classmates on fb, reliving the good ol' days.
how i miss those days! :( life was way simpler then.
hope to get to meet up with them soon.

okay time to sleep then go for a swim with little sis at 10am.

to do list:
- spreadsheet
- msm network analysis questions
- read prejudice chapter (if possible)

spin me silly, 3:55 AM.

snacking at 1.40am at night. lol.
i'm so not gonna lose weight :(
and tea12's matcha tea was yummy!

havent bought mum's bday present, don't know what to do. :(
her birthday's this saturday.. gahhh.

see my friends so poor thing, having to pick up the shit their other friends left behind...
so i decided to help them out a little. at least it's settled now.. and they are happy and everyone's happy. (:

aunt, bringing the man back into the house only 7 months after uncle passed away, is just wrong. somemore in front of your kids.. hello? what values are you teaching them? urghh, i don't know seriously. is this how much love is worth only?! once the person's gone, the love's gone with them? :(

if it's like this, isn't it better not to love at all?

don't know. don't think anyone can convince me that love's worth fighting for and compromising for anymore. been there, done that, regretted it. TTM.

had an awesome time walking pepper in my grandma's neighbourhood. he's so adorable!!! (:

okay, time to do my IS project :( its like i finally downloaded excel onto my laptop. LOL.

spin me silly, 1:40 AM.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

why is it that we can talk about everything and anything, while in my previous relationship, it was torturous to even find anything to talk about? it was like ants on hot pot..

what do i see you as? i really don't know... :(

and omg. i'm still stuck in MSM. i think i will study tomorrow morning. if i can wake up at 7am to study anyways, then stay in school after 12-630 class, to probably continue.. i've slacked practically the whole day...

okay. sleep by 3am! wake up by 8am latest! (like real.. if i can do it, it'd be a miracle. everyone better buy toto or 4D or whatever lucky stuff anyways!)

this is who i wanna be:

independent. not reliant. woman should not need a man to survive. go go mel! (:

spin me silly, 2:22 AM.

Monday, February 6, 2012

okay wtf. getting owned by a simple diagram.
been stuck on it for the past 20 minutes. wtf!!!

edited:
4.35am

cmi already.. the words on my notes are floating~~~~~
gotta sleep. goodnight world. finally understand the damn diagram..
please please please wake up when the alarm clock rings at 9.45am!! :(((

spin me silly, 3:05 AM.

2:22 am.

finally stop procrastinating and pulled out my notes to study. realized that i really don't know anything because i've been skipping classes. i'm so doomed. like seriously.
michelle activated my panic button. but i'm not sure if i can even get my third class hons at the rate i'm going, much less my second lower! urghhh.

and no one's gonna go for summer abroad with me... should i still go? or probably go backpacking myself after graduating? i really regret not going last year. i couldn't find any friends who wanted to go last year too. sighs. it's a steep 8k of expenses though, hence the apprehension. i should be earning money for my parents already, not spending more of their retirement fund. :(

24 year old. i seriously feel as though i'm still a kid. or rather, reluctant to grow up. it's not a really nice world out there. :(( but the thought of being able to support myself is a plus point i guess? it's probably just me, but i'm the kind who hate to depend on others as it only makes me weaker as a person. look what happened everytime i tried to rely or depend on someone? disaster. only make me lose myself over and over again. time to put a stop to it! full-stop!

okay. 87 days to go. that leaves me 17.4 days per subject. slap me if i procrastinate anymore.
back to trying to read a chpt of msm!

and yes, i really do not wish to rely on anyone, so please do not make me so dependent on you, because that's the last thing i want now... focus. focus mel. books first! (:

spin me silly, 2:22 AM.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

:( woke up 3 hours after my alarm clock rang. yes, who snoozes their alarm for THREE HOURS?! i set it at 9.30am to do my essay de. urghhh.
time to write my essay based on the draft i have.

on a sidenote, is love really that superficial? instead of its deeper meaning, it seems like it only skims the surface. how can one change so quickly? i mean, it has only been like what, less than 8 months since my uncle's demise? how can my aunt, readily date someone else again? dating aside, how can she stayover at his place and leave her young two kids alone at home?! come on aunt, i know uncle's gone, but responsibilities are responsibilities. and the two kids, are your current responsibility. at least ensure they have money for dinner so that they don't need to borrow from my maid?!?!
urgh, i feel so unjust for uncle. :'( it's just been too short a time. love, is superficial. love, is fickle.

with that said, back to essay.

spin me silly, 1:18 PM.

it's crossing the line a bit too much already...

it's not right. stop it..

time to do my overdue-ed assignment.
stop thinking of all these nonsense that will do nothing good for my future.

spin me silly, 12:35 AM.

Friday, February 3, 2012

why like that? :(
why do i feel this way.
ah fish. just go sleep.
sleep the night away hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow. :'(
sian. sian. sian!!!

spin me silly, 1:04 AM.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The many phobias i have:

Astraphobia : fear of lightning
Cacomorphobia: fear of fat
Chaetophobia : fear of hairy objects
Entomophobia : fear of insects
Gerascophobia : fear of growing old
Lygophobia : fear of being in dark or gloomy places
Necrophobia : fear of corpses or dead bodies
Obesophobia : fear of putting on weight
Peladophobia : fear of becoming bald
Phasmophobia : fear of ghosts
Soteriophobia : fear of dependence on others

lol. i bet if there were more phobias on the website i was reading, the list would have carried on and on.

it was an exhausting day, two times more exhausting because my legs survived on heels the whole day! with SEVEN freaking plasters... :( it hurt and i walked funny. lol.

class gathering was awesome nonetheless. i missed evertbody so much!!! like everybody!! (:
it was sucha great catch up session. (:

i feel like bowling. urgh!
but no mel, study!
i keep oversleeping instead of waking up to study. sians.
do you know, how much confusion and self hatred i'm going through now because of you?
i don't know what to do, nor do i know what i want outta this...
and it's driving me nuts.
i wished that such a thing wouldn't happen at this kinda crucial period in my life again.. but alas, once again, when it's just 3 months to exams... :(
really at a loss...
fml. i need to study. i don't need all these now...sighs. fuggg. off to bed after half an episode of running man.

spin me silly, 2:45 AM.