Monday, April 23, 2012
attended eddie's grandma's wake today after studying in school for a couple of hours...
guoyuan picked me up from KAP macs at 8+ after i diarrhoea-ed like... 3 times? lol.
was like in the guoyuan's car to edd's place when he told me there was something on my lips... (seaweed from fries... :( ) so i struggled to wipe it off violently with my fingers...until he said "dont do this!!! i think i have a better way to help you!" and he chuckled suddenly. which totally led me to think of...those typical korean drama scenes where the girl gets cappuccino foam on her lips and the guy kisses it off. da heck!!!!!!
he saw my shocked face and he couldn't stop laughing. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! i meant to say wipe with wet tissues!!!"
zzZzz. boo boo moment. -_-"
saw xf, tiac, apple, ronald, candace, jas...think thats about it. and xf and tiac were off to thai pub to drink again... i really don't get why they're so hooked to it..sighs. tiac tried to shoot a rubber band at me ._____." so i shot him first. i didn't care. he got shocked. Hahaha. and what's with his stripe berms and brown shoes!! his new style ah. hahaha. ronald had to wear a jacket cause he was wearing white and only family members had to wear white i think...
after attending the wake, i miss my grandma even more. havent seen her in nearly a month. and when guoyuan sent me home, she was at my place!!! i was so happy to see her again i went to give her a big long huggg. like 2 minutes long. lol. she's growing old so quickly. :( she's no longer the very lively and active grandma screaming her heads out to get me to bathe, like when i was a kid. she's becoming more frail and more lost looking because she's been diagnosed with alzheimer's from the aftershock of my uncle's demise last june...she can no longer remember how to cook all those yummy stuffs she used to cook for us. :(
i learnt her nonya laksa from her (yes she's nonya) and that's about it.. gahhh. and i'm the only one who knows the recipe!!!
okay back to studies. i'm screwed. like screwed. okay i should quit complaining or i'll really not be able to graduate..
miss mich...there seem to be some bumps in her life these days..asked her about it on whatsapp but got no reply. sigh.. then again, i don't have alot of time to talk to anyone these days...
okay. sleep. nights people. wanna wake up at 8am.. shit. 4 hours sleep again. totally concussed for 7 hours last night.
guoyuan picked me up from KAP macs at 8+ after i diarrhoea-ed like... 3 times? lol.
was like in the guoyuan's car to edd's place when he told me there was something on my lips... (seaweed from fries... :( ) so i struggled to wipe it off violently with my fingers...until he said "dont do this!!! i think i have a better way to help you!" and he chuckled suddenly. which totally led me to think of...those typical korean drama scenes where the girl gets cappuccino foam on her lips and the guy kisses it off. da heck!!!!!!
he saw my shocked face and he couldn't stop laughing. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! i meant to say wipe with wet tissues!!!"
zzZzz. boo boo moment. -_-"
saw xf, tiac, apple, ronald, candace, jas...think thats about it. and xf and tiac were off to thai pub to drink again... i really don't get why they're so hooked to it..sighs. tiac tried to shoot a rubber band at me ._____." so i shot him first. i didn't care. he got shocked. Hahaha. and what's with his stripe berms and brown shoes!! his new style ah. hahaha. ronald had to wear a jacket cause he was wearing white and only family members had to wear white i think...
after attending the wake, i miss my grandma even more. havent seen her in nearly a month. and when guoyuan sent me home, she was at my place!!! i was so happy to see her again i went to give her a big long huggg. like 2 minutes long. lol. she's growing old so quickly. :( she's no longer the very lively and active grandma screaming her heads out to get me to bathe, like when i was a kid. she's becoming more frail and more lost looking because she's been diagnosed with alzheimer's from the aftershock of my uncle's demise last june...she can no longer remember how to cook all those yummy stuffs she used to cook for us. :(
i learnt her nonya laksa from her (yes she's nonya) and that's about it.. gahhh. and i'm the only one who knows the recipe!!!
okay back to studies. i'm screwed. like screwed. okay i should quit complaining or i'll really not be able to graduate..
miss mich...there seem to be some bumps in her life these days..asked her about it on whatsapp but got no reply. sigh.. then again, i don't have alot of time to talk to anyone these days...
okay. sleep. nights people. wanna wake up at 8am.. shit. 4 hours sleep again. totally concussed for 7 hours last night.
spin me silly, 3:32 AM.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
i wanna cry. so wanna cry.
why are there so many things i cant understand? so so many. everytime i open my notes i feel so bloody stupid. people get stuck on page 50, i get stuck on page 5. the very basics.
i just wanna stop studying already.
it's been a depressing 2 months in school. so depressing i just wanna call it quits. i havent even blogged in a long long time.
studying subjects you don't love is just sheer torture...
everyday from 12-11pm in school..and i cant even cover half of what i used to study in a day in year 1. i can't even watch my shows, and even if i watch, i can't watch happily. i don't even wanna open my new CN Blue CD, because i'm really in a horribly depressed state at the moment, opening it is just gonna spoil it totally.
i'm screwed. like really screwed.
sobs. it's a really really terrible feeling.
the fact that when i'm depressed, i make myself even more depressed thinking about stuffs in the past. stuffs half a year ago. stuffs one and a half years ago. its horrible.
the whole world's attached and here i am, reluctant to even wanna open my heart to anyone and fall in love again.
i'm gonna be left on the shelf, aren't i?
i guess so. what's the point of people liking me, when my heart's cold as ice...it's not gonna work...
f. back to staring at the same equation i stared for at 1 hour and didn't understand.
why are there so many things i cant understand? so so many. everytime i open my notes i feel so bloody stupid. people get stuck on page 50, i get stuck on page 5. the very basics.
i just wanna stop studying already.
it's been a depressing 2 months in school. so depressing i just wanna call it quits. i havent even blogged in a long long time.
studying subjects you don't love is just sheer torture...
everyday from 12-11pm in school..and i cant even cover half of what i used to study in a day in year 1. i can't even watch my shows, and even if i watch, i can't watch happily. i don't even wanna open my new CN Blue CD, because i'm really in a horribly depressed state at the moment, opening it is just gonna spoil it totally.
i'm screwed. like really screwed.
sobs. it's a really really terrible feeling.
the fact that when i'm depressed, i make myself even more depressed thinking about stuffs in the past. stuffs half a year ago. stuffs one and a half years ago. its horrible.
the whole world's attached and here i am, reluctant to even wanna open my heart to anyone and fall in love again.
i'm gonna be left on the shelf, aren't i?
i guess so. what's the point of people liking me, when my heart's cold as ice...it's not gonna work...
f. back to staring at the same equation i stared for at 1 hour and didn't understand.
spin me silly, 2:08 AM.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
fungry...
so unproductive in school today. it's terrible to study in more than groups of 3. really. think i should go to the national library and study tomorrow... see if wq and esther's gamed.
i'm sorry guoyuan. but i feel a whole lot better letting it off my chest, and returning to just godbrother/godsister kinda relationship. cause i won't be able to love you like you love me. sorry.
being in this situation, suddenly helped me understand how tiac felt when he was with me. when you stop loving someone/have never loved someone, the burdensome, heavy feeling is terrible. it's like guilt stricken, coupled with the desire to be alone all the time instead of being with the other person. so mine was a one sided love halfway into the relationship...
and being in this situation, i know how it feels to be on the giving end of the "relationship" too. i'm so sorry.
daniel says he's introducing his soon to be gf to us during badminton this sunday sia. :O i'm quite stunned! lol. can't wait to see her. :P
and lala too!
oh so tired. should i sleep or study. crap...
so unproductive in school today. it's terrible to study in more than groups of 3. really. think i should go to the national library and study tomorrow... see if wq and esther's gamed.
i'm sorry guoyuan. but i feel a whole lot better letting it off my chest, and returning to just godbrother/godsister kinda relationship. cause i won't be able to love you like you love me. sorry.
being in this situation, suddenly helped me understand how tiac felt when he was with me. when you stop loving someone/have never loved someone, the burdensome, heavy feeling is terrible. it's like guilt stricken, coupled with the desire to be alone all the time instead of being with the other person. so mine was a one sided love halfway into the relationship...
and being in this situation, i know how it feels to be on the giving end of the "relationship" too. i'm so sorry.
daniel says he's introducing his soon to be gf to us during badminton this sunday sia. :O i'm quite stunned! lol. can't wait to see her. :P
and lala too!
oh so tired. should i sleep or study. crap...
spin me silly, 1:35 AM.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
forever my dearest godbrother.
i think it's time to draw a line to save both of us from misery. my misery from my confusion, your misery from my confusion.
i've weighed the pros and cons and i rather not risk losing this current relationship i have with you. and i really like you alot alot, but i don't think it's love...
thank you for everything. i don't want us to drift apart because of other feelings involved.
today also marks the day i've been single for half a year. (:
and i'm proud of myself to have survived! although thinking back still makes me upset sometimes...
i practiced the guitar really hard today. and i decided to let him know that that song i was learning, the very first song i'm playing on the guitar? it was actually to surprise him as part of his bday gift. decided to give up on it since...yeah. the little faith he has in me.
so i just sent him a 40 second clip on my "performance" to tell him thank you for everything.
and i hope to make the message clear to nicholas ang too.
i really don't know who's been leaking out to guoyuan that i've been talking to nic everyday till 4am last week.
only 3 people know (excluding esther and seraphine who has no form of contact with guoyuan). and one of them is nic himself.
and i realized guoyuan suddenly turned cold towards me after going for amanda grandma's wake.
if it's nic, i'll be angry.
if it's guoyuan who has broken into my blog and read it, i'll hate him for life.
because i already told him to respect my privacy and that's the least he can do.
i won't even doubt the rest. cause i believe in them.
fml. why do these stuffs always happen to me during exam period? @#@(@!&#&#!
Do not take for granted the people closest to your heart. Nothing is permanent, celebrate them now.
i think it's time to draw a line to save both of us from misery. my misery from my confusion, your misery from my confusion.
i've weighed the pros and cons and i rather not risk losing this current relationship i have with you. and i really like you alot alot, but i don't think it's love...
thank you for everything. i don't want us to drift apart because of other feelings involved.
today also marks the day i've been single for half a year. (:
and i'm proud of myself to have survived! although thinking back still makes me upset sometimes...
i practiced the guitar really hard today. and i decided to let him know that that song i was learning, the very first song i'm playing on the guitar? it was actually to surprise him as part of his bday gift. decided to give up on it since...yeah. the little faith he has in me.
so i just sent him a 40 second clip on my "performance" to tell him thank you for everything.
and i hope to make the message clear to nicholas ang too.
i really don't know who's been leaking out to guoyuan that i've been talking to nic everyday till 4am last week.
only 3 people know (excluding esther and seraphine who has no form of contact with guoyuan). and one of them is nic himself.
and i realized guoyuan suddenly turned cold towards me after going for amanda grandma's wake.
if it's nic, i'll be angry.
if it's guoyuan who has broken into my blog and read it, i'll hate him for life.
because i already told him to respect my privacy and that's the least he can do.
i won't even doubt the rest. cause i believe in them.
fml. why do these stuffs always happen to me during exam period? @#@(@!&#&#!
Do not take for granted the people closest to your heart. Nothing is permanent, celebrate them now.
spin me silly, 2:22 AM.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
thank you for the cold treatment the whole day since last night guoyuan,
if there's one thing i learnt from it,
it's about time i learn to live a life without you in it.
to save myself from my confusion and misery once and for all.
thank you for the past.
i should stop doing 犯贱 stuffs to myself too.
i mean, if i can't accept the exterior, what's the point of loving the interior? LOL.
seriously i should stop my nonsense.
should just write you off now before i get myself into any deeper shit.
and to chicky ang, sorry i've been cold too, but i really don't wanna give you the wrong idea about us.
and slowly, i think i'll end up finding my way outta the group...because, i've never felt like i belonged in there. it stopped when tiac didn't want me as his girlfriend anymore. even though i seriously love this group alot...
so tired from trying to study for exams. 30 days more to go. and i have 2 untouched subjects. i'm really getting worried.
off to study a little before sleeping.
gotta wake up at 7.15 am tomorrow for class.
sian. my menses on off on off.
i thought it finally stopped after 15 days, ended up with a little bit again.
i think i really need to be put on hormone pills. :'(
if there's one thing i learnt from it,
it's about time i learn to live a life without you in it.
to save myself from my confusion and misery once and for all.
thank you for the past.
i should stop doing 犯贱 stuffs to myself too.
i mean, if i can't accept the exterior, what's the point of loving the interior? LOL.
seriously i should stop my nonsense.
should just write you off now before i get myself into any deeper shit.
and to chicky ang, sorry i've been cold too, but i really don't wanna give you the wrong idea about us.
and slowly, i think i'll end up finding my way outta the group...because, i've never felt like i belonged in there. it stopped when tiac didn't want me as his girlfriend anymore. even though i seriously love this group alot...
so tired from trying to study for exams. 30 days more to go. and i have 2 untouched subjects. i'm really getting worried.
off to study a little before sleeping.
gotta wake up at 7.15 am tomorrow for class.
sian. my menses on off on off.
i thought it finally stopped after 15 days, ended up with a little bit again.
i think i really need to be put on hormone pills. :'(
spin me silly, 1:00 AM.
Monday, April 2, 2012
On this day of your life, Melissa, we believe God wants you to know ... that it's okay to ask for help.
Sometimes we get overwhelmed with the details and complexities of our lives. Sometimes we need some help to get untangled, to gain a new perspective. Ask for help. Help may come in human or divine form. It may be seen or unseen. Ask, and ye shall receive.
spin me silly, 3:35 AM.
been so many days since i last blogged...
friday night = lydia's birthday party at ritz carlton. (: it was a fun filled night.
saturday = class + cousin's wedding (YAY. SO HAPPY FOR HIM!!) + wala wala + sensation with koi koi!!
sunday = hungover + go school stone from 1+pm- 9pm...couldn't even study cause nothing could go into my head. bloody hell. i'm so screwed.
didn't even remember how come my whatsapp wallpaper became creme brulee... that was how seh i was i think... :( i even fell asleep while playing my scramble games with my friends... until the ending tone played then i jerked awake. lol.
just played the guitar for an hour, fingers hurting like shit. hopefully i can master this piece... and give it to a dear friend for his birthday present next month (: hopefully i can squeeze it in with all the panic i have... :((
sighs. i told him not to call me already. how? cause i really...in the whole past week, didn't even have time for myself while spending 3 hours on the phone every night. i can't practice my guitar, i can't watch my korean drama, i can't even squeeze in more studying...
and i'm sorry, please don't ask me to go to church. not in this period.. i may be open to know more about christianity...but not now. really...gotta study...
okay off to blow hair then back to books.
and yay! my taiwan trip is back on!!!! (: woohoo!!! sharing room with my guy friend. lol.
friday night = lydia's birthday party at ritz carlton. (: it was a fun filled night.
saturday = class + cousin's wedding (YAY. SO HAPPY FOR HIM!!) + wala wala + sensation with koi koi!!
sunday = hungover + go school stone from 1+pm- 9pm...couldn't even study cause nothing could go into my head. bloody hell. i'm so screwed.
didn't even remember how come my whatsapp wallpaper became creme brulee... that was how seh i was i think... :( i even fell asleep while playing my scramble games with my friends... until the ending tone played then i jerked awake. lol.
just played the guitar for an hour, fingers hurting like shit. hopefully i can master this piece... and give it to a dear friend for his birthday present next month (: hopefully i can squeeze it in with all the panic i have... :((
sighs. i told him not to call me already. how? cause i really...in the whole past week, didn't even have time for myself while spending 3 hours on the phone every night. i can't practice my guitar, i can't watch my korean drama, i can't even squeeze in more studying...
and i'm sorry, please don't ask me to go to church. not in this period.. i may be open to know more about christianity...but not now. really...gotta study...
okay off to blow hair then back to books.
and yay! my taiwan trip is back on!!!! (: woohoo!!! sharing room with my guy friend. lol.
spin me silly, 1:33 AM.
