Saturday, January 15, 2011
i hope my blog stays hidden. because then i wouldn't have to explain my blog thoughts to anyone who thinks i'm emo-ing when all i do is pen down the thoughts going through my head.
i really want to open my heart and accept S and learn to love him, but i can't, not now. i know that with my conflicting thoughts in my head, it's impossible to love him like i loved my ex. i know that very clearly. and unless i learn to accept him for who he is, i'd never agree to get into a relationship. my omikuji that i got from a shrine in hokkaido, reminded me with aspects to love, to "consider the other party's feelings and not just my own" and so i am. i will not accept him just because he's nice to me and i need someone. i want to be sure i can be loyal and have the ability to love him before i decide on anything. if he'll wait, it'd be good. if he can't, then i can only say sorry to both of us...or what might have been if he persisted and we continue to be close friends for a long period. then again, i dont have the confidence to say something might happen. i'm still tired of the emotional turmoils i have had to go through the last 3 years.
dear God, teach me how to love a person who appreciates me, and not those who don't appreciate me for who i am. teach me not to fear the unknown. teach me to be stronger. teach me how to put the past behind me. teach me about life.
thank you.
gomawo~
am glad i could do my marketing test today. but am sad to not understand corporate finance. i need to jiayous! hwaiting melly! hwaiting!
i really want to open my heart and accept S and learn to love him, but i can't, not now. i know that with my conflicting thoughts in my head, it's impossible to love him like i loved my ex. i know that very clearly. and unless i learn to accept him for who he is, i'd never agree to get into a relationship. my omikuji that i got from a shrine in hokkaido, reminded me with aspects to love, to "consider the other party's feelings and not just my own" and so i am. i will not accept him just because he's nice to me and i need someone. i want to be sure i can be loyal and have the ability to love him before i decide on anything. if he'll wait, it'd be good. if he can't, then i can only say sorry to both of us...or what might have been if he persisted and we continue to be close friends for a long period. then again, i dont have the confidence to say something might happen. i'm still tired of the emotional turmoils i have had to go through the last 3 years.
dear God, teach me how to love a person who appreciates me, and not those who don't appreciate me for who i am. teach me not to fear the unknown. teach me to be stronger. teach me how to put the past behind me. teach me about life.
thank you.
gomawo~
am glad i could do my marketing test today. but am sad to not understand corporate finance. i need to jiayous! hwaiting melly! hwaiting!
spin me silly, 3:59 AM.
