Sunday, July 24, 2011
urghh. feeling so tired.
when do you know what to fight for and what to let go?
so many things happened today.
1) went with yy to take pictures at the railway with his friends.
2) got a bad stomachache halfway through, and was suffering at railway mall. kor came to my rescue cause he was nearby. dear, just diao-ed me when i told him. :'( in the end it really hurt bad and i just told him i dont wanna text because it hurts and the more i text the more it hurts. he just said orh okay. i think he doesnt care? all dear cares about is himself.. he hasnt asked about my day or anything! he doesnt ask, i just have to tell. when he's with his friends, with his team, i'm just... not in his mind anymore. until before he sleeps i guess... i feel so distant from him everytime he's away...
3) ended up at kor's family gathering. his cousin's 21st bday. i havent even been to dear's and it didnt help matters when kor's mum asked "isnt this zhe bin's gf??! i'm so confused by you all!"
sighs. the best part is i explained to dear what happened... and he says that as long as im okay, he's fine. i told him i just wanted him to know... he say he wont feel jealous and ask me why will feel jealous de? i was like.. "if my gf went to my good friend's house for family gathering.. its machiam meeting in laws and i'll feel horrible inside. i dont want you to feel this way so i rather tell you? whether or not it matters to you luh"
4) kor and i took a walk at mount faber cause he was too full. and i remember being there with dear the night before he left for Malaysia Opens. that was where we took the polaroid in my wallet. there was where we just sat close to each other and chatted. there was where i gave him the ankle band i made and the letter i wrote.
i dont know how to get outta feeling this way. i need to go on normal dates with him. hold hands, hang out at places, not just at his place. just explore places together.
i dont know what's changed, but ever since he got into national team, i've been thrown aside. i know bowling is his priority. i support him in it... but sometimes, i just need him to support me too. to love me too... to say he misses me. to say he loves me. to tell me i'm on his mind... reassurances...
not just a girlfriend to show off to people "hey, i've got a girlfriend. i'm cool."
my dear tiac, where have you gone to? i miss the caring you. i really do.
so much so i wanna believe that you love me, i really wanna hear it to be honest...
i miss you.
i miss talking crap about the future tgt, like how many beds our house gotta have. how you wanna propose with toilet paper threat, how we can have little tiac terrors roaming the world. lol. dreams... that takes 2 to make it come true.
i'm doing my part as a girlfriend, and i'm trying really hard... i just wanna be able to visualize us walking down the road together... and right now, without fully knowing your love, without normal dates, to be honest, it's a little hard... i'm struggling. and i'm only willing to struggle because i still think its worth fighting for. show me and lemme know you wanna fight on with me okay? that's all i need to know to keep this going... <3
debating whether to go training tmr... i got no transport and i end work at 6...confirm late for training if i go home and get my balls... urgh...
when do you know what to fight for and what to let go?
so many things happened today.
1) went with yy to take pictures at the railway with his friends.
2) got a bad stomachache halfway through, and was suffering at railway mall. kor came to my rescue cause he was nearby. dear, just diao-ed me when i told him. :'( in the end it really hurt bad and i just told him i dont wanna text because it hurts and the more i text the more it hurts. he just said orh okay. i think he doesnt care? all dear cares about is himself.. he hasnt asked about my day or anything! he doesnt ask, i just have to tell. when he's with his friends, with his team, i'm just... not in his mind anymore. until before he sleeps i guess... i feel so distant from him everytime he's away...
3) ended up at kor's family gathering. his cousin's 21st bday. i havent even been to dear's and it didnt help matters when kor's mum asked "isnt this zhe bin's gf??! i'm so confused by you all!"
sighs. the best part is i explained to dear what happened... and he says that as long as im okay, he's fine. i told him i just wanted him to know... he say he wont feel jealous and ask me why will feel jealous de? i was like.. "if my gf went to my good friend's house for family gathering.. its machiam meeting in laws and i'll feel horrible inside. i dont want you to feel this way so i rather tell you? whether or not it matters to you luh"
4) kor and i took a walk at mount faber cause he was too full. and i remember being there with dear the night before he left for Malaysia Opens. that was where we took the polaroid in my wallet. there was where we just sat close to each other and chatted. there was where i gave him the ankle band i made and the letter i wrote.
i dont know how to get outta feeling this way. i need to go on normal dates with him. hold hands, hang out at places, not just at his place. just explore places together.
i dont know what's changed, but ever since he got into national team, i've been thrown aside. i know bowling is his priority. i support him in it... but sometimes, i just need him to support me too. to love me too... to say he misses me. to say he loves me. to tell me i'm on his mind... reassurances...
not just a girlfriend to show off to people "hey, i've got a girlfriend. i'm cool."
my dear tiac, where have you gone to? i miss the caring you. i really do.
so much so i wanna believe that you love me, i really wanna hear it to be honest...
i miss you.
i miss talking crap about the future tgt, like how many beds our house gotta have. how you wanna propose with toilet paper threat, how we can have little tiac terrors roaming the world. lol. dreams... that takes 2 to make it come true.
i'm doing my part as a girlfriend, and i'm trying really hard... i just wanna be able to visualize us walking down the road together... and right now, without fully knowing your love, without normal dates, to be honest, it's a little hard... i'm struggling. and i'm only willing to struggle because i still think its worth fighting for. show me and lemme know you wanna fight on with me okay? that's all i need to know to keep this going... <3
debating whether to go training tmr... i got no transport and i end work at 6...confirm late for training if i go home and get my balls... urgh...
spin me silly, 11:54 PM.
