Friday, September 16, 2011
i f* up. i broke the feeble trust.
i was so filled with doubts i didn't know what to do...so i just spoke my confusion, without considering the after effects of everything.
i stirred up more shit because of my doubts.
but after calling kor and her and crying over the phone together, i realized that she's genuinely wanting things to be how they were before, although she knew it'll take time to slowly slowly inch back towards the part where we can share anything and not worry we'll be bitched about by each other, behind the scenes.
i'm sorry. i realized i've been a bitch today and it doesn't feel good too...
i made my teammates doubt each other too. and they have to work with each other in the same company. i'm not a good person. i don't know how to rectify my blunder now. i did the damage. i'm not sure whether i ruined a friendship, and at the same time, ruined the feeble link between hers and my own new friendship.
feeling so lousy.
i added even more problems to the ones she already has. with work, with friends and all...
and this ain't me...
have been crying the past 3 hours...
but because of this, i'm now genuinely willing to try to make this friendship work...for myself this time, not because i dont want this issue to be in my relationship. not to make my boyfriend or my godbro happy.
arghh. it's so trying to try to keep my swollen eyes opened. urghhh.
finally gonna bathe...at 4.15am in the morning...
with my eyes like that, i think dear will be frightened to go out with me tomorrow. :(
maybe i should just hide over at his place...at least no one can see him hold a monster looking girl and walking around... :((
was so frightened by him just now. he said "you make me feel like jumping off from the 8th storey now you know". never seen him so agitated before. i replied him after i got off the phone with both of them.
"if you jump off the 8th storey, know that i'm gonna jump off the 31st"
need to bathe now or it'll be 5am..
i was so filled with doubts i didn't know what to do...so i just spoke my confusion, without considering the after effects of everything.
i stirred up more shit because of my doubts.
but after calling kor and her and crying over the phone together, i realized that she's genuinely wanting things to be how they were before, although she knew it'll take time to slowly slowly inch back towards the part where we can share anything and not worry we'll be bitched about by each other, behind the scenes.
i'm sorry. i realized i've been a bitch today and it doesn't feel good too...
i made my teammates doubt each other too. and they have to work with each other in the same company. i'm not a good person. i don't know how to rectify my blunder now. i did the damage. i'm not sure whether i ruined a friendship, and at the same time, ruined the feeble link between hers and my own new friendship.
feeling so lousy.
i added even more problems to the ones she already has. with work, with friends and all...
and this ain't me...
have been crying the past 3 hours...
but because of this, i'm now genuinely willing to try to make this friendship work...for myself this time, not because i dont want this issue to be in my relationship. not to make my boyfriend or my godbro happy.
arghh. it's so trying to try to keep my swollen eyes opened. urghhh.
finally gonna bathe...at 4.15am in the morning...
with my eyes like that, i think dear will be frightened to go out with me tomorrow. :(
maybe i should just hide over at his place...at least no one can see him hold a monster looking girl and walking around... :((
was so frightened by him just now. he said "you make me feel like jumping off from the 8th storey now you know". never seen him so agitated before. i replied him after i got off the phone with both of them.
"if you jump off the 8th storey, know that i'm gonna jump off the 31st"
need to bathe now or it'll be 5am..
spin me silly, 4:03 AM.
