Tuesday, September 27, 2011
lets say i'm living through the darkest period of my life now... because i'm struggling with say "anxiety disorder" and i'm pretty negative about every other aspect of my life...
will he be there for me? will he accompany me through these dark days till i get better? or will he desert me?
i think i'm a pretty needy girl when it comes to feeling sick. i always hope for my bf to fuss over me, ask about me like 10 times a day, come over and accompany me or just lemme sleep on his lap so that at least i'm not suffering alone...
dear did come over after training to accompany me for a short while today. (: and asked me whether i had lunch and whether he needed to buy food for me... just a short while to check on me... he thought i was so sick i was tucked in bed so he had to come see for himself. and told me he was glad that i'm so happy to see him and that i'm not so sick in bed.
but he didn't fuss over me!!! :( so sad.
where's the dear that used to make me ginseng drink and deliver it to my house when i had a cough? :(( this is the difference between chasing and in a r/s.. :(
but i should be happy he came, though i wish he'd stay longer. :((
if there's one thing i realized, it's that i can no longer be a kid when i'm sick. hoping for my other half to fuss over me like i'm suffering from some major illness. if i love this guy, i have to be independent. independent enough to know he loves me from his actions, w/o him admitting it from his golden mouth, independent enough not to cry and run into anyone else's arms for the comfort i need.
i chose this guy, i have to stick to it. just sometimes, just sometimes i wish he'd be more expressive and more romantic...because i'm a girl, i need more love and reassurances too. especially when i'm unwell. bahhh. :((
just used my nasal spray... and took my allergy medicine. dear breathlessness, please faster go away for good and never come back. it's making my life hell. i feel so depressed over it!!!! i want to be the normal healthy mel. :(
sighs. please god, please let it go away.
spin me silly, 12:30 AM.
