Wednesday, October 19, 2011
on the surface, i'm moving on with life. doing my own stuffs, hanging out with my own friends...
but underneath, i'm still missing what we had.
every morning, he's still the first thought on my mind when i wake up. it's become a habit over the past near 7 months.
i wake up every morning feeling upset and frustrated at my uncontrollable thoughts. blaming and hitting myself on the face for my stupidity.
i felt like i was merely a w the whole of the relationship. i really cannot rid of the feeling. probably because he seldom said "i love you" while we were together. and because of some of the things i did..
and he's really being an asshole now. like seriously. hello come on, i know it's impossible between us already. but if we're gonna continue to be friends, and i'm still gonna see you around, then REPLY ALREADY. even friends reply one another. shit you. i'm actually pissed more than i'm hurt. =(
15th day since we broke up...and he's forgotten about me totally already. i wonder how long i'm gonna take to heal from all the hurt. </3
i wish i weren't so emotionally inclined sometimes. how nice it is to be heartless. then i wouldn't hurt...
cried at home before league today. literally cried. i think picking up my bowling ball after 14 days... was probably stressful too. bowling reminds me of him, yet it's my love too.. it's a dilemma. and i'm bowling like shit still...
i keep crying these days..
and happy 11th birthday cousin justin... it's your first birthday without your dad around anymore.. i hope you'll learn to be happy on your own. (reminds self to print a photo for justin. a photo of his dad and him..while his dad was first diagnosed with cancer. still looking healthy then though.. found it in my computer while doing my project the other day)
but underneath, i'm still missing what we had.
every morning, he's still the first thought on my mind when i wake up. it's become a habit over the past near 7 months.
i wake up every morning feeling upset and frustrated at my uncontrollable thoughts. blaming and hitting myself on the face for my stupidity.
i felt like i was merely a w the whole of the relationship. i really cannot rid of the feeling. probably because he seldom said "i love you" while we were together. and because of some of the things i did..
and he's really being an asshole now. like seriously. hello come on, i know it's impossible between us already. but if we're gonna continue to be friends, and i'm still gonna see you around, then REPLY ALREADY. even friends reply one another. shit you. i'm actually pissed more than i'm hurt. =(
15th day since we broke up...and he's forgotten about me totally already. i wonder how long i'm gonna take to heal from all the hurt. </3
i wish i weren't so emotionally inclined sometimes. how nice it is to be heartless. then i wouldn't hurt...
cried at home before league today. literally cried. i think picking up my bowling ball after 14 days... was probably stressful too. bowling reminds me of him, yet it's my love too.. it's a dilemma. and i'm bowling like shit still...
i keep crying these days..
and happy 11th birthday cousin justin... it's your first birthday without your dad around anymore.. i hope you'll learn to be happy on your own. (reminds self to print a photo for justin. a photo of his dad and him..while his dad was first diagnosed with cancer. still looking healthy then though.. found it in my computer while doing my project the other day)
spin me silly, 1:45 AM.
