Monday, October 31, 2011
well, everyone has dreams, technically. everyone can visualize what they want for their future. whether it's the CEO of some MNC, or travelling the world in 100 days, or even just being happily married with 2 kids, with a roof over their heads and a dog to call their own.
staring at the middle aged people strolling on the streets, looking as though they have nothing important to do, i can't help but wonder if, 20 years down the line, i'll look back on my life and regret everything that i've done. Or that maybe, by the time i reach their age, i still haven't realized what my dreams are, and just live my whole life away without bigger dreams.
do i really not have a personality to call my own? do i always have to rely on someone to make me happy?
this can't do...my dreams are nothing but daydreams. i have dreams, but dreams without any motivation to achieve them, are well, just dreams that'll never realize. and for me? i'm still living that way. i don't have a particular dream i'd go all out and fight for, that i'd go all out to achieve it. i don't have that kinda motivation. i'm still searching for that one dream that'll give me the motivation to fight for it.
BUT, what if i never ever find it? will i be 50 then, looking back on my life, and wishing i did something now?
sighs.
food for thought. it's been a really long time since i did any soul searching anyways.
read an article about modern love earlier on. a paragraph i came across struck me.
"Maybe that’s why I clung to him in that particularly embarrassing way that young girls sometimes do, why I wanted so much for things to work out. Why I let myself turn into someone I didn’t really like when I was around him. Why I was willing to forgive his arriving hours late on the night he met my parents at a restaurant in New York."
the author described how i feel whenever i pause to look back on my relationship with tiac. what was it, that made me hold on, even if it meant losing my pride, losing who i am as a person, and having everyone think of me as an idiot? i'm amazed at myself for being able to do such foolish stuff, all in the name of love... but this is probably the first time and the last time i'll ever sacrifice all these for a guy, even if it's for love. like they always say, "once bitten, twice shy". thank you for the lesson. gotta learn to live for myself and what's best for me..
the earlier i can get over you, the better... then i wont keep having to think about a guy who doesn't love me anymore, a guy who couldn't wait to get rid of me because i was a burden in his life...everyday.
headache. time for bed.
staring at the middle aged people strolling on the streets, looking as though they have nothing important to do, i can't help but wonder if, 20 years down the line, i'll look back on my life and regret everything that i've done. Or that maybe, by the time i reach their age, i still haven't realized what my dreams are, and just live my whole life away without bigger dreams.
do i really not have a personality to call my own? do i always have to rely on someone to make me happy?
this can't do...my dreams are nothing but daydreams. i have dreams, but dreams without any motivation to achieve them, are well, just dreams that'll never realize. and for me? i'm still living that way. i don't have a particular dream i'd go all out and fight for, that i'd go all out to achieve it. i don't have that kinda motivation. i'm still searching for that one dream that'll give me the motivation to fight for it.
BUT, what if i never ever find it? will i be 50 then, looking back on my life, and wishing i did something now?
sighs.
food for thought. it's been a really long time since i did any soul searching anyways.
read an article about modern love earlier on. a paragraph i came across struck me.
"Maybe that’s why I clung to him in that particularly embarrassing way that young girls sometimes do, why I wanted so much for things to work out. Why I let myself turn into someone I didn’t really like when I was around him. Why I was willing to forgive his arriving hours late on the night he met my parents at a restaurant in New York."
the author described how i feel whenever i pause to look back on my relationship with tiac. what was it, that made me hold on, even if it meant losing my pride, losing who i am as a person, and having everyone think of me as an idiot? i'm amazed at myself for being able to do such foolish stuff, all in the name of love... but this is probably the first time and the last time i'll ever sacrifice all these for a guy, even if it's for love. like they always say, "once bitten, twice shy". thank you for the lesson. gotta learn to live for myself and what's best for me..
the earlier i can get over you, the better... then i wont keep having to think about a guy who doesn't love me anymore, a guy who couldn't wait to get rid of me because i was a burden in his life...everyday.
headache. time for bed.
spin me silly, 3:39 AM.
