Sunday, March 25, 2012
i hate it. i really do.
time and again i forget i'm not the only godsister.
and when i realize that there's the other?
i tell myself to distant myself from him and the group. to minimize whatever pain i'll feel in the future. since, i was only brought into the group by tiac, as his girlfriend last year. lydia's kenneth's gf, so she fits in. she's eddie's gf, so she fits in too...
i'm a nobody. and if one day nothing comes out between me and him, and he finds his own gf, i'll totally not fit in then, godsister or not...
it's my fault for getting closer and closer to the people in the clique. i should not be doing this if i don't wanna hurt in the future...i need somewhere that i feel i belong...one that gives me a sense of security... :'(
i wonder where my friends are...without them, all i'm left with are my poly clique and my SIM clique...my poly clique clubs, i don't. there's a barrier between me and them.. my SIM clique? those attached are attached. those gamers are gaming. i feel like we're all splitting apart...
and honestly, i feel really lonely at times like this. i don't even dare to imagine...
and i don't know why i'm so emo...my period's gone bonkers. after 6 days of heavy flow, it lightened alot, but it has still been on going for the past 3 days. so that makes it a total of 9 days. SERIOUSLY?!! hormonal imbalance? stress? depressed? i really don't know...
the bbq party just now was a disaster...my newly married neighbour who's only a year older than me (she married last december, at my age), asked me why my bf didn't come (i think she was referring to tiac, cause she saw him at my bro's bday party last year), yeah and she didn't believe me when i said i have no bf... like awkward silence.
didn't help that my dad's friend brought all his daughters, either younger, my age or older (4 daughters i think?), and they all brought their +1. i felt so bloody left out!
serious emo shits. @#$#$%@$
i really really wanna go on a holiday..someone just take me somewhere far away where i can feel refresh and all ready to face life again...
this.feels.terrible.
i lied that i was gonna bathe and study. bathe i did. but study i didn't. i just didn't want to talk to him anymore. cause...i don't know why i have this really betrayed feeling when i found out that they're still close. like what the shit am i feeling?!?! why should i even feel this way @%#*@?!!
time and again i forget i'm not the only godsister.
and when i realize that there's the other?
i tell myself to distant myself from him and the group. to minimize whatever pain i'll feel in the future. since, i was only brought into the group by tiac, as his girlfriend last year. lydia's kenneth's gf, so she fits in. she's eddie's gf, so she fits in too...
i'm a nobody. and if one day nothing comes out between me and him, and he finds his own gf, i'll totally not fit in then, godsister or not...
it's my fault for getting closer and closer to the people in the clique. i should not be doing this if i don't wanna hurt in the future...i need somewhere that i feel i belong...one that gives me a sense of security... :'(
i wonder where my friends are...without them, all i'm left with are my poly clique and my SIM clique...my poly clique clubs, i don't. there's a barrier between me and them.. my SIM clique? those attached are attached. those gamers are gaming. i feel like we're all splitting apart...
and honestly, i feel really lonely at times like this. i don't even dare to imagine...
and i don't know why i'm so emo...my period's gone bonkers. after 6 days of heavy flow, it lightened alot, but it has still been on going for the past 3 days. so that makes it a total of 9 days. SERIOUSLY?!! hormonal imbalance? stress? depressed? i really don't know...
the bbq party just now was a disaster...my newly married neighbour who's only a year older than me (she married last december, at my age), asked me why my bf didn't come (i think she was referring to tiac, cause she saw him at my bro's bday party last year), yeah and she didn't believe me when i said i have no bf... like awkward silence.
didn't help that my dad's friend brought all his daughters, either younger, my age or older (4 daughters i think?), and they all brought their +1. i felt so bloody left out!
serious emo shits. @#$#$%@$
i really really wanna go on a holiday..someone just take me somewhere far away where i can feel refresh and all ready to face life again...
this.feels.terrible.
i lied that i was gonna bathe and study. bathe i did. but study i didn't. i just didn't want to talk to him anymore. cause...i don't know why i have this really betrayed feeling when i found out that they're still close. like what the shit am i feeling?!?! why should i even feel this way @%#*@?!!
spin me silly, 12:42 AM.
